M's second playdate!!

well we have been on two playdates for M... Yes bad mommy has only done two scheduled playdates for M... I am not a big mommy group kind of lady. i enjoy my time with the boss.. we also spend a lot of time with family.. i have about 8 nephews and nieces.. so i don't feel a big need to have him go on playdates. let alone sign him up for 'classes'. plus he goes to daycare full time so where is there a need. i am very lucky that his current daycare is like a preschool and doesn't really have tv on. I think i have only witnessed him watching tv once this who time he's been there. they are usually playing outside, playing with the toys inside, reading books or dancing around to the music that they have on. so i just feel that when it's the weekends it's his time with mommy and daddy.

anyways, he had a blast at B, S and K's place!! he totally enjoyed playing in their backyard with all the fun toys that they had.. let alone S letting out the bunnies for him to terrorize.. ;-P with this being our second i guess it would be nice to have more of these playdates for him.. but also nice hanging out with the parents while they play. or while M played with K's toys.

so all in all i think my mind has changed about scheduling playdates.

Routines...

M and I are finally starting to 'somewhat' get back into routines... For bedtime we are working on it because he is going through a 'scary' and lonely phase. But with time and new tricks i am getting closer to making him feel better about bedtime. I have to leave the 'big' light on it makes him feel 'safer'.. ;-P

Now if only he'd sleep until 7am again on the weekends.

to let go...

how do you let go of something in your past? i experienced something that i would never wish on anyone as a teenager. i thought i got over it and when i confronted the person and got a reaction i thought i wouldn't get. i thought he'd feel so bad and sorry for his actions. but the totally opposite was his reaction. so now i realize that i am still not fully over that part of my life.

one of my friends that i talked to said that i can't let it bring me down. and she wouldn't let me do it. i am a good person she said.

i have always felt that you get what you put out. so is she right? or am i being punished for what i have done or said to someone? i know i am a harsh person and brutally honest when sometimes i should bite my tongue.

so how do i mentally get over this? how do i lay this to rest and just move on? am i really a good person? or do i deserve this?

i honestly haven't had much time to think or lay this to rest but i need to in order to be a better person. but HOW????!?!?!?!?

Love keeps on growing

I had so much fun with M yesterday... It's so rare that we hang out alone. I guess that's my fault but I should do this more often. We had a lot of fun at mom's last night. We did an 'arts and craps' (as my son calls it) project. I didn't want to do the usually color or paint. so first i had M and I go on an adventure to find stuff outside that we'd paste/glue onto paper... So we searched for some leaves, rocks, branches and leaves on branches. I love seeing how he gets so excited about doing projects. Especially because I let him cut the double sided tape on his own. :-D and we did other things but for the most part our day with just playing.. and mommy needed a couple naps because my head hurt.

Disneyland and 'Breathing'....

We just went to LA for the weekend... And made sure we visited Disneyland with my entire family... So we are a group of about 13-14 people with ages ranging from 11 months - 58 years old. This is by far the funniest time I have had.. I think it's because M is 3 years old and can really enjoy his time there. And the weather was perfect! Not too hot (unless you are out in the sun for a long amount of time) with a nice breeze. Just watching how excited he'd get over each ride and the anticipation for the wait to get on..

M amazes me and makes 'breathe'! meaning that i take life in and look at everything. he had a lot of questions and i just realized that i am always in a rush.. rush to get out of the house to get through the day and so on. it's so hard to just enjoy the moment. but he reminds me to do this everyday of our lives together. i shouldn't take advantage that i am able to walk, talk or see.

so today i will take the day in.. or at least moments of the day. :-D rome wasn't built in a day right?

Please ASK me.. Don't assume..

I hate it when people just assume that i will just 'go with the flow' and do whatever they want. i am my own person and have thoughts.

i feel that the admins that i work with we aren't a team... and our team leader isn't a leader or protector. it makes me sad that it's a dog eat dog place..

Hello Sunshine

This week by far has been the best weather! The sun is shining with a little breeze to keep me cool. I love it when the sun is out but if you were to stand in the shade it's cool. I hope that Thursday is nice because I would love to go swimming with M when we get home. Thursdays - Saturdays are days that I normally do not have to worry about cooking. So I can enjoy my time with M. We can play, explore or just hang out.

To forgive...

I just read an article that it is healthy for you to forgive a person that has hurt you. Now by this you don't have to have this/these people back in your life but just forgive them.

WHAT??? is my reaction how do you forgive someone if you don't feel like they understand or truly feel sorry for making you feel the way they did. How do you forgive them? Where do I start to forgive???

Obviously I am referring to L. If this is true then I really need to find a way to forgive her. another thing to work on and one that i will need to get back to because i have no idea where to start.

the O's...

Why can't we pick our parents and extended family??? I am constantly getting annoyed by my father and his side of the family. I understand that he feels sad/depressed that his children don't visit but it's so hard to when you make one of us feel left out.

I am throwing my son his 3rd birthday party and I really didn't want to but he asked if I was. And so i decided since we are taking him to disneyland for his bday that I will keep it small. Just invite my father, step-mom, obachan (grandmother), uncle, aunt and two cousins.. and of course my sister her family and bro and his. But my little man invited my mom so I then invited my other grandparents, uncle and step grandmother. Now keep in mind that I did this whole thing so that M can celebrate with my grandpa and his side of the family. And that this party was only for two hours from 2:00-4:00pm. And my obachan said that she would go if my uncle goes when i called to make sure she was free. over a month ago I sent a 'save the date' evite and my two cousins said that they could not make it. my step mother said that she and dad were 'free for now'. and I sent invitations out last week and my aunt finally replied but to my 'save the date' evite instead of calling or emailing me like my invitations said to do. Do you see where I am going with this? I don't understand that side of the family.. it's just sad that they will never know mason. they won't know that he is such a great child. how affectionate he is or how smart he can be. or that he is constantly wanting to make me laugh.

Okay so i promised myself that i will be more positive so let's see how do i spin this to be more positive?????

well he will have a party and yeah we'll see the same people the next week and celebrate all May Bdays.. but that's okay i am giving his own special time to celebrate him turning 3. which you only turn 3 once. ;-P he'll see how much he is loved by family that can make time for him. And if it's nice we'll turn it to a swimming party.

Workout blahs..

how the heck do people do it everyday let alone more than 5 times a week.. let alone how do you make the time to work out. i am struggling to stick to my at least three times a week.. but the only time that i have is during my lunch time. because before work i need to get myself and mason ready for work and daycare. i barely have time to get myself ready - i am sure my co-workers think WTF is wrong with our admin? she doesn't dress to impress and i really want to dress cute and style my hair.. let alone have the time to put make up on. but where do i start??? therefore why i made the decision to work out at least three times a week. i am hoping by working out that i get back into shape. i know i also need to eat better which i am trying. so far what seems to work is after putting mason to bed.. clean the house or stay and hang out in my room. this way i am not near the kitchen and won't think about what snacks to eat. and i want to see friends for lunch to stay connected. so i owe it to myself to get back into shape.

after writing this post it is reminding me why i need to stick to working out as little as i have promised.

Tales of Potty training and fighting...

It has been an uphill battle to potty train this kid. M is so much like D and myself... So with M like me I need to make him feel it's his decision and choice to go to the bathroom. Not me telling him to do it. in the beginning around 17 months he wanted to use the potty and was happy with just a dance or clapping. So we decided to just put him in pull ups during the day and night time use diapers.. Now he is almost at 34 months... When we started the new daycare at 32 months we went to UNDERWEAR!! I was so nervous and never thought that my son would have more than me.. but we needed spares and ones that we didn't care if we threw out.. so after countless wet and soiled underwear/pants cleaning he is getting it.. (crossing fingers)

He is now telling us that he needs to go and we only tell him to go when we go out or before eating a meal. Now we need to train him to go on his own but I have learned these important items with my son:

1. DO NOT pressure him.
2. Do not punish him for making a mistake. Just say it's okay accidents happen. Let's clean up and maybe next time you'll make it to the bathroom.
3. Do a happy potty dance for when he goes and when he is still dry in his underwear.
4. End of day rewards.. Weather it be frozen yogurt, ice cream or just a dinner with the two of us.. Just to show how proud i am of him.
5. Every other day or so take him to toys r us and let him pick his prize.

He is a smart baby and catches on.... He knows how to work his mommy and daddy.

Fighting:
D and I need to work on not arguing so much in front of M. I see that it affects him more than anything. I feel so bad because he woke up so many times last night. Now if only I can get D to be on board that I am ALWAYS right train.. ;-P In all serious-ness I will work on not being so hard on D. He does do a lot for our family.

Daddy's Boy

You hear when you have a son that he'll be a mommy's boy. Well not with the Lams. M is a Daddy's Boy. Which it hurts sometimes but I have learned to take advantage of that. So when he wants daddy I will either read, watch a recorded show or just take a bath. I won't lie and say that it doesn't hurt when he screams 'I don't like you!', 'I want daddy not you', or 'go away'... But I know it doesn't mean he loves me less or doesn't ever want to be with me. Daddy usually is the FIRST one to run into his room when he wakes up crying or if he falls daddy is the one right there.. and I am more the type of parent that says are you okay? and if i see no blood i don't baby him. Although if he needs to cuddle, hug or just want me by him - i will. But I want to try and make him independent and not rely on me to always make things better. that in life you need to learn that when you want something 'you' need to make it happen. not feel it's owed to you or that someone else will do it.

Now lately since D went on vacation there will be times that he actually wants me over D. It's nice to know that I am wanted but I do know that bond M and D share is still there. Which I am grateful for. It's important to me that they have time for themselves and share their special time together. Also, if we plan to ever have a second baby it will make our lives easier by trading kids off and not having both children wanting the same person.

Hello I am 30 something not 16..

where do i start??? i just semi-caught up with a friend and mark her up as still being in high school. she even admitted that she liked the high school drama and so on. my question is why???? i am 30-something and happily married (for the most part) with a baby and dog. I enjoy my time watching tv, playing with my son and/or my dog, and so on.

i was talking to her and she mentioned another mutual friend that she really hasn't talked to in awhile because she felt like the friendship was one sided. that she would listen to JJ's problems and whatever was going on with her. But then when C would talk about hers JJ would say i have to go. So I mentioned that i can understand because i just lost a friend for something similar. i don't need to deal with that 'high school' drama. she made a comment back to me that she liked high school drama and felt like a 16 year old. so as we talk some more all i could think about is... C hasn't changed really and do i want this in my life? i don't need anymore friends than i already have. the ones that i have mean the world to me and when i talk or spend time with you it's because i want to. i am taking time away from spending with my son to hang out with you. is she worth that? and the other thing in my head is that why would anyone want to re-live high school??? not that i regret anything but i never want to go through it.

New beginnings.. and my goals for the year

2 things i am grateful for....

1. For A taking the time to hang out and show me all the new things he has done to remodel his home. And for going out to dinner with me.

2. For my mom and sister - i love how they come over every thursdays... it's supposed to be where D and i can either do something together or separate.

I still don't have all my goals figured out:

1. I need to learn to just listen.... I need to learn to listen and not give unwanted advice. i am going to try and just not say anything unless asked what do i think... bite my tongue.

2. Appreciate all that i have and get out of the 'give mes'

3. Try and see friends more..

4. try to work out at least 3 times a week.

5. try to stick to my budget... i need to make a new one with M going to a new daycare and added amount.

6. Try to go on a family trip this year - need to make yearly ones.

7. Be nicer to D - I am so bad. I yell way too much at him when he tries so hard to make me happy.

8. Every night write down two things that i appreciate for the day.

9. Take 10 mins for myself every day..

10. Start reading again - 1 book a year..

11. Keep our home clean and redecorate the place to be what i really want.... But on a budget - need to watch design on a dime more.

12. Learn to just 'be'.... Relax, breathe and take everything in.

13. Get to know myself..... Learn what makes me really happy.

14.

15.

16.

17.

.......

I think that's enough for now.

Goodbye friend

since i am no longer talking to a friend i just feel the need to write to her.. but can't so here goes.

goodbye L - it was great while we were in tune with each other.. and i loved how we were always there for one another. and that we didn't need to say much to know how each other felt. i loved how we LOVED the same foods so when we'd go out it was so easy and we'd share food to get twice as much. ;-P or i knew i could order that mussel/clam pasta because you wouldn't let the stuff i didn't like go to waste. i loved spending endless hours on your couch watching tv and our breaks to either go to the bathroom (me down stairs and you in your bathroom) or to cook lunch/dinner... but knew when to fast forward the whatever parts so that we could get to the good stuff. :-D i loved that it was just easy with you. i loved how we could talk about anything!! you know what i mean - anything and EVERYTHING.. i loved how we used to drive to sb and my wedding/birthday present at the spa place that you researched and found for us. and knew it was exactly what i needed while planning my wedding.

i am sorry that our friendship fell apart over a boy. i am sorry that i realized things about you i never saw or choose to over look because you in my eyes were my sister. i forgave you a lot for little effort on your side to show that you were sorry. meanwhile S would try so hard but i just pushed that aside for you. i am sorry that you were trying to pretend things were okay with us this past year when they were only getting worse. i am sorry that you felt you could put little effort in our friendship when i tried EVERYTHING to mend for the past two years. even to the point of trying to work it out with your husband on my own because i felt nothing was getting to him.

but most importantly i am sad that we have come to where we are today. that i can care less that you are in my life. your little to no efforts just shows what kind of person you are. for me when someone says that things are not right between us and if i want to continue to be friends with them as you said.. i would fight for the friendship. i would call even if it's uncomfortable to see how the person is doing... i would call to get together for coffee.. i would try to celebrate your birthday with you. even if i wasn't here and back from vacation a month after. i would send emails to you to let you know i was thinking of you.. i would text you more. but you aren't me and by you not fighting just shows where we are. and that you are not a person to prove yourself further than words.. it's just all words coming out of your A$$... you have no actions to back up what you say. and of all people i would have expected more when you were the 'talk is talk - actions speak louder than words' person.

i will miss you once in awhile.. i will be watching something and want to call you but won't. i will eat something and most likely think of you. i won't lie and say that there will be some days that i do and will miss you. but we aren't teenagers anymore and definitely out of high school where i don't need drama. so for now goodbye. it was great while it was good. and i am just sorry that we have come to where we are. but you made your bed and you must lie in it. hope it was all worth it for you and that you got all that you wanted. because L i sure never wished this on us. and would never thought we'd be where we are today.

i just hope one day you'll see it through my eyes and know how much you've hurt me. and say sorry for the way things turned out.. and instead of you thinking can i forgive you and let go of the whole Michael thing.. that you'll say i am sorry how do you feel now after all that and sorry for not thinking of you when that all went down.

so goodbye L... too little too LATE.

The blahs...

lately i have been feeling grouchy and blah... i have been trying to figure out why?? maybe it's because i don't feel like i have a home... i stay at my mom's for half the week and the other i am 'home'... or is it that i feel that D is trying to understand what i am going through but can't fully since he gets to go home every night to our bed and wake up when he pleases or to his alarm. for the last 6 months i haven't had to set an alarm because the boss is constant on waking me up. i can't remember the last time i just woke up on my own. or i am feeling this way because the house feels messy to my standards but i am just exhausted from the week to clean up..??? and i just want to watch all my recorded shows and zone out on the bed. but the dirty bathrooms, messy pantry, cluttered kitchen and what the heck happened to our office/guest room is begging me to clean up. let alone me wishing i could spend the day doing whatever whenever on myself. and at the same time i know i will be wishing i could be with the boss and just cuddle with him watching a movie or exploring the world outside together.

how can i learn to balance work, family, time for myself and cleaning all at the same time? how can i feel better about life? i just feel that i should be contributing to the world. i don't feel that i am touching people that i have met, will meet or have in my life.. where they can smile when thinking about me. i feel the need to be a better person but how can i if i am in my 'blah' mood???? how the heck do i get out of this funk..

i also realize i am back into i need more and the latest thing. when i can't appreciate what i do have. i mean i am lucky because i still have my job. have a nice home. love my family - even with all the issues we all have. everyone for the most part are all healthy.

so here is what i am thinking...

1. need to work on making my home a home.. not a dorm room or a place that we are just there for the mean time.

2. try to be more helpful at work. understand that when people come to me for a question or help it's cuz they don't know how to do it. or that they have so much on their minds that they just need help. (it is my job)

3. not feel guilty that when i am home to relax when i am there and not feel i need to CLEAN!!

Wed - watch tv, wash clothes, put away and relax
thu - clean the bathrooms
fri - enjoy my family
sat - finish what i didn't do after putting mason to bed.

4. clean the office before the new year. i will just have to work something out with rei rei.. have her watch/play with mason while i clean the office.

5. make it a point to go out on dates with dave 1-2 times a month where it's just us..

6. try to be a better friend to sharon but hope she understands that i am not home everyday like her so i need time to just be. but make it a point to see her and just catch up. she is a great friend actually more than a friend a sister. and i love her and just want to do all i can to make her happy.

7. start living on a real budget! try to pay off my cc and save...

8. try to see more of my friends and balance that with time for myself.

9. each day i need to do 3 self-less acts of kindness... i used to do this with tigger but i need to start again.

more will be added to this list but i am starting to feel better already.. i LOVE my to do lists.. and it helps put things in perspective.

30 months..

I can't believe my little guy is 30 months old. Okay I don't normally write how many months he is since he turned 2.. I just say he's 2. But this kid has both positive and negative traits of D and I. He is strong minded, kind, loving, knows what he wants and when, and wakes up early. He knows that with daddy he gets whatever he wants and mommy is the 'mean' one. He is at a stage where he can have a real conversation with you. Not just yes and no. But real conversations! Okay maybe only 3 minutes at a time but that's better than nothing before he changes the subject.

Having a baby really does change you for the better. He makes me want to be the best mommy i can and sister, friend, wife and daughter.

Inspiring Picture

My brother in law sent me a really nice email along with this picture.. :-D It just made my day seeing this picture just relaxed me. I decided to use it as my screen saver so that i can remember to relax and take in the day and remember what my husband told me.

D used to be so much more relaxed when we meet up until maybe our son was born. But he told me about stuff going on at work and I said doesn't it bother you? He said no and 'why stress over things that you can't control'? So I am trying to take this on. When stuff happens and I am really annoyed I say why stress it's out of my control. And I actually feel better. I guess D can still teach me things.. After being together off and on for 9 years, 4 years of staying together to almost 5 years of marriage. He still surprises me and we still can have a great time together. So thanks D for helping put things into perspective.

What a friend..

Do you have a friend that just is so kind hearted.. that wouldn't hurt a fly? She is the one that is really good at keeping in contact? Well I do? And it is rare for me to have found a friend through work... B is really good at making sure to keep in contact with everyone.. Whether they are still working at the same company... on maternity leave or even with her on maternity leave.. And she makes motherhood look so easy. I know when i was on my leave i probably looked like a crazy lady but she looks great and put together - still. :-D I miss her like crazy cuz we used to either walk or go out to eat lunch together. try for at least once a week or so. And as luck would have it we finally work in the same building.

She is one person who doesn't judge me for all my craziness that i bring to the friendship.. From complaining about friends or family.. to just weird things that i have about me. She just let's things 'roll' off of her. There are a couple times i have seen her irritated so i don't feel like i am the only one with issues. but overall she just amazes me.

i hope to be 1/2 as relaxed as she is one day.

What a s&*tty present

Do you have a friend that re-gifts? Yes guilty as charged.. but at least when i do it it's to people outside of the circle that i get it from. ;-P So I am not wasting what was given to me - i don't have a use for it but someone else may... But I rather receive a gift because someone thinks i may want it even if they don't than this...

so the other day S and I went to Nordstroms to see if she could exchange her perfume that we got from a friend.... and found out that it was part of a gift set.. so now we find out that the one friend put no thought whatsoever into what to buy us (because it was the basically the same gift) but she bought the set for herself and gave us the scents she didn't want!!

i guess when you aren't happy with someone you see all the negatives in them more so then when you are okay with them.

can you say CRAP gift???

Repeat offender - strikes again...

WHY?? why must I tell you for the 20th time what you do and you sound surprised or like it's new.. at least do me the favor and say thanks for repeating that or i know i remember from the last time you said something... COME ON!!!

I honestly don't see this friendship lasting much longer.. Basically just waiting to see when she'll say forget it.

Baby here.. Baby there

Yes it seems that people are getting pregnant or are pregnant around me. So now I have the baby bug. I have been bite and would love to have a second.. Now if only I could get D on board.. ;-P

The Boss' 2nd Bday!!

Yes you read right.. My little man just turned two today. Time sure flies when you are having fun.. ;-P He is getting to be such a toddler. He now is into saying 'NO' and pointing his finger at you. Or 'cheers'. Just his 'i wuv you.... mommy' melts my heart. Or when I pick him up from daycare and he runs to me and gives me a big hug! Just makes all the bad in the world or day disappear and makes you smile. The feel the hope in the world.

Repeat offender

Do you have a friend that you have the same issue come up over and over? Well I have a friend like that in my life. Hoping that things will change and she'll learn. So for the 5th time in 2 years I have once again told her the issues that are bothering me between our friendship... Now mind you I didn't even get into all the things bothering me just mentioned a few. She made it seem like it's all new and that she'll just have to prove herself. Well I have learned that I am not going to expect anything and have lowered my expectations. I also have been working on not thinking this person as a close friend and that is helping me out also. My friend S has been helping me with this - not to say that I haven't vented. But we've all known each other for so long and have history together that I am not going to just throw the friendship away. Just learning that people grow apart and that's okay. The thing that's hard is that she took it as we 'love' her that much to feel this way.. No you are messing up lady and need to prove that you are a good friend. I just feel that she takes things in differently and not for what we are saying.. So how long can a person take this?

Thanks M

The other day I was watching Brothers and Sisters with my mom. And for this episode a character had a miscarriage. I then realized that I was really lucky to overall have a easy pregnancy and healthy baby. Which also made me realize how much love, joy and laughter that M has brought to our lives.. There are of course some days where I just want to pull my hair out but overall it's been great.

I then also realized that there are people in this world that go through this and I felt so bad. Or even to the people that have a hard time conceiving. My heart goes out to all those couples that have to travel this path.

Then I also think about all those parents out there that can get pregnant with no issues! And can't afford to provide all that they should to their children or people who abuse their children. That makes me so mad that there are people out there like that.

FINALLY!!! Mr. and Mrs. H

This past weekend was the wedding of the YEAR!! one of my closest and dearest friend S just got married to j!! we have been planning and preparing for this day since for a year! it was by far one of the nicest weddings that I have attended and helped out. I was a little worried that she was going to have a nervous breakdown but S did a wonderful job on everything.. From looking so beautiful in her wedding dress and having her hair done to her elegant but cozy wedding reception! She planned everything so well with D. She couldn't have picked a better father to marry her and J. He was great! He made it fun yet special during her ceremony (Which reminded me of mine). To having made sure that the bridesmaids' bouquets were beautiful yet simple all at the same time. To making us all feel special. They made sure to spend time with all the guests to thank them for coming. Which I find VERY important. And at the same time having a great time themselves. But most important the food was yummy! I was really happy that I was able to eat some food, enjoy myself, and make sure that the reception ran smoothly with D. She was a JOY to work with. I even made us way ahead of schedule without making the bride or groom feel rushed! :-D It was by far a really nice wedding. I just hope that S felt that I was honestly there for her because I was also her matron of honor.

Although I won't lie there were some hiccups.. For instance our wonderful friend's husband M not following directions well and then handing off his duty to the DJ!! First off he made himself feel that he was such an 'important' part of the wedding.. So first off he didn't mention TWO of the names on the list of families that were on the brides' side.. umm it's written you dumb A@S!! How could you forget and you had S read off all the names to you so that you'd be able to pronounce it!! BTW, he recorded her saying it too.. yeah smooth move buddy.. And it's just funny because he has been practicing and everything!! Yeah you are a great MC - remind me to ask you to speak at a function I throw - NOT... To announcing things that aren't supposed to yet.. smooth like butter. This all from a man whom 'claims' to be a professional Opera Singer.. Which for as long as I have know him (a whole two years and then some) hasn't had a job. And is now a teacher. sorry it's just hard to like someone whom always doesn't things to annoy the heck out of me. Oh and yeah the day before at the rehearsal to make him feel special.. He arrives late at S and J's rehearsal dinner and has L introduce him to everyone.. ummm just sit your A@S down it's not your day.. You'll meet them when you meet them. Sorry just need to get that off my chest.

Me no longer..

So yesterday after 4.5 weeks is me no longer.. My cast was taken off and I am now only wearing an ankle brace!! For the first time since then can I keep up with M walking down the hallway. Since I have had this cast put on my son started walking fast/running down the hall. So he would usually get mad at me for not keeping up. :-D but yesterday that ended! We now can walk down together. That makes us both happy.. It's so funny how little things can make me so happy. He is teaching me that I need to be an example. Because he is starting to copy us. And trying to talk more and more with actual words. :-D

For instance he is going through this phase of biting people. IF I point my finger at him and tell him no he'll try and bit the closest thing. We found it funny and I would nibble on his finger, leg or tummy to make him laugh. Well that's ended on Monday when I found out he bit another child at daycare! So now we are not doing anything that would be bad so he won't do it. How do you discipline a almost 16 month old?? and to make it a way where he understands.. We try to put on time out.. But the kid will try and get up or hit me. Of course as this is happening I am saying hitting is bad. No doing that and tell him to say sorry. But how do you really teach right from wrong? I have been thinking about this since Monday and will be doing some research as to what the 'experts' have to say..

Grandma.. new outlook..

well a couple weeks ago i was talking to my grandma about my SIL and how she is not responsible for her kids. so she says she is 'laxed'... and i say 'irresponsible'.. so after awhile D chimes in and says that he wants to be laxed. and she said oh no you are too responsible. hehehehe made me think that i like the way she thinks. i need to try and be nicer and more positive about things. life is way too short. and we are all have our own points of view of how we want to raise our children. Grandma just made me realize that she sees the same thing but when you say it differently it doesn't 'seem' so bad. also she is my grandma and she can't be mean to anyone...

work in progress...

it's so hard to try and become a better person or even be the better person...

for instance on sunday i found out that my father visited my brother and SIL in the hospital when she gave birth to their 2nd set of twins. well he didn't even visit me - his own daughter. that hurt my feelings a little but what can i do?? if i say anything he'll just come up with some excuss on why he wasn't there. what is that saying - you can't teach an old man new tricks.. or change the way he is or what comes out of his mouth. it's so hard to be the better person with him. but know that it's not me. so i have made a decision that i really need to practice what i preach. so when it comes to my dad i need to say it's not me. i know that i try to do good, thoughtful and nice. it's just that we don't see eye to eye. and that's okay because we can't always get along or agree. he is the way he is and that's that. i just have to work on how i react to what decisions he makes. try and not let it hurt me and just say it's his fault for not taking the time to get to know me and it's not my problem he is an A$$ sometimes. i don't have to life with him anymore. in one ear and out the other.

another person we'll call her T is someone where there was a conflict a couple years ago. when i went to L's wedding I told her that i will be nice and that it was 2 years ago. i don't hold anything against her or dislike her. it was so long ago and that i am over it. so at L's wedding i see T and say 'Hi' to her and her new husband. He said hi and smiled. I get a mumbled hi and no look and smile. i was a little annoyed and thought how could someone have this person as a friend? but now i just feel sorry for her. i feel bad that she is still immature and holds what happened two years ago still against me. that she isn't over it. that she can't move past it. what happened to being mature and letting little things go? sometimes i wonder if i should just go up to her and say something the next time i see her because honestly - it takes more energy to dislike someone than just be nice.

so i will work on being nice to everyone.. there's always a reason for why someone is in a bad mood and not happy. it's not my job to make you happy or a better person. but at least know that i was nice and helpful is enough for me.

I really would like to feel that if I have come across your path/journey in life that I have helped change it for the better. That I brought a smile to your life/face. I was a positive influence and that I helped make it better. That when you think of me that a smile appears.

WHY????

Why is it that either you are TOO fat or TOO skinny and need to eat more with asian parents/family???

Honestly when I met my DH he was the biggest F.O.B. and skinny boy I ever saw. Granted I was only 18 and just out of highschool. But still - he was a skinny boy. And over the years he has learned how to work out so that he bulks up instead of just staying small. He to me now if PERFECT! I couldn't ask for a nicer looking husband. He is trying to work out again. But no thanks to his family they tell him that he is FAT. Of course he maybe fat if you are refering to how he used to be over 10 years ago. I don't want a stick for a husband. But then again his mom complains that our son is small and not eating enough. And giving us unsolicated advice. Why can't more traditional asian families give you compliments instead of insults?

I honestly haven't heard anything positive from his mom since we got engaged.. It started with my engagement diamond was a tiny thing to why aren't you giving me more grandchildren. You need to have 3 babies since I had three.. ummm lady we are in 2007 we think about what we can afford not how many children can i have.

I am now trying to learn the 'in one ear and out the other'. Since I can not speak up for myself and my husband doesn't for our son or me. There isn't anything else I can do that won't seem disrespectful. So this is what I have to do. But let me tell you it's hard to bit my tongue when I am the one who always expresses myself. So I guess I will have to learn to use the I am looking at you but not listening. The only way to get my feelings not hurt.

Little Man's first Birthday

Well I can't believe that my little guy is going to be one! So much has been going on in just a year. Planning his 1st birthday since he was 6 months old.. I just have to write down my thoughts about what I want to do..

As for him and what he has accomplished in just almost shy of being 11 months is amazing to say the least.. The first three months of 'hell' - or the beginnings of parenthood. Although I shouldn't complain too much we are very lucky with the little guy... After 3 months he just started to show more of his personality. Well he started sleeping though the night!! 3-6 months he just was soaking in the world.. Didn't like tummy time too much preferred to be in his stroller going for walks. Started to sit up by himself and see the world in a new light. Starting at 6 months he could somewhat 'play' by himself. we just had to put a bunch of toys around him on a blanket. Somewhere between then and now he has gotten 8 teeth.. Four on the top and four on the bottom. At 8 months daddy taught him to play basketball.. 9 months daddy taught him to pass it back and forth. 9 months he was pulling himself up... around 10 months he started 'cruising' around the couches. And at 6 months we started giving him solids... Now he loves people food but still eats the baby food. He is a chip off of the old man. He is a great mix of D and I. But of course everyone says that he looks like D. And that brings a cute little smile to his face so we'll leave it at that.

Well off to do some work and plan out my little man's birthday.. And thanks to some great girls I met from WC and LJ I can 'borrow/use' their great ideas mixed with what I want to do..

Buyers remorse

I am regreting getting the Pilot.. It's just so big and having to gas up at least twice a week and being about $32-40 bucks each time is too much!! I guess i was just going along with what D wanting.. And not what I truly wanted.. I wanted a new accord or CRV.. Even a used CRV or accord. Those would have been perfect for me. I get sad every time i see one and wish I would have just done what I wanted. I even tried looking at the dealership when we were there but D insisted that he talk to the sales person about the pilot.

I hope that this will pass with time and that it's just for now and that I will really like this SUV. But for now I regret buying such a big car that drinks gas like there's no tomorrow.

Thanks D

Thanks to my wonderful husband i now will have a [hopefully] no more back pains. i can't believe that we finally bought me my car. i have been looking into buying a car because my old one gives me back pain and bumps on my head. the integra is so small and compact but thanks to D he helped me buy a 'new' used car. it's the first newer car that i have gotten and another one that i really like. i love all the compartments and cup holders for everyone. i love how it fits 8 including me and still have some room in the trunk. and that i have a not so much like a 'soccer' mom car.

And thanks again D

Purpose in life...

Do you ever wonder what your purpose is in life? I know things that I want to accomplish in life.. But more on a personal level. For instance something I have always wanted to do is make a difference in everyone's life that I have come across. Of course in a positive way. Or even if I don't really talk to them as much or anymore.. I hope that if they are doing something that reminds them of me that it brings a smile to their face. Or changed a negative thought into a positive one.

but what is the real purpose/mission that i am supposed to do? the only thing i have come up with is being a better person and just getting to as close as i can to perfect before i pass away. i know i will never be perfect or else i wouldn't really try. but i can strive for that right?

especially now that i am a mother i want to bring M up as well as i can. and i know the first place that i need to start. i am not a patient person when i want something i want it now. so when someone asks me what do i want? i usually say i don't know.. or i sacrifice little things for me so that i can buy something for M. but anyways i want to work on making my relationship with D better. i can be short tempered with him for the most part. because i feel the closest to him and that since we've known and been together for so long he should know what i like and don't like right? well wrong - i should be more respectful to him because he is my life partner. and know that i can be fickle sometimes and like it one way and then decide there is a better way and forget to tell him.. so he'll do the 'old' way. which can change from yesterday to today. he is one of the most important people in my life and i want M to know that his mommy and daddy are completely in love with each other. and this is the way it should be. not parents that argue over pity things. so that is what i will work on to strive to be a better person..

but still what is my purpose in life? i know what i want to do for others but what do i want out of life? am i just one of those women who just do what they think they should do? i want to be an example not a follower. i know i don't have a glamorous job or get paid a lot of money. so should i find one? should i go to college and get a degree because i never even finished junior college? is it even right for me to think about myself since i have a baby and husband?

Total opposites...

How do you deal with a difference in personality? I was raised to be on time or earlier than the appointed time to meet. And when you have an event coming up plan for it. Well how do you deal with people that are so totally opposite??? I have been trying to figure out a way to do this since my husband and I got married. You wouldn't think it would be such an annoying character until you really have to deal with it. For instance, my family celebrates EVERY holiday or just about anything to have a reason to get together. His family just recently in the past 3-4 years decided to celebrate xmas, mothers, fathers and thanksgiving.. So it makes life a little hard especially since i come from divorced parents. So we now have to do lunch, dinner and whatever we make it to. Well those are just something I am sure we'll figure out which I am hoping will be the 'eve' of everything. But for birthdays these days are always the same the date never changes just maybe the day. My IL's like to plan things the totally last minute.. And when something gets planned early (mind you this means 2 days before) they usually change. Well I am guessing that they still don't get that I usually have plans for the weekend weeks or months before.. so if we are lucky they will call the day before.. but normally my SIL will call my hubby and say hey we are getting together for mom's birthday. Which is nice and we are like okay. When? For lunch today.. Which means an hour or two from when they are calling. I don't think they realize that we live in Sunnyvale and have to drive to eitehr san francisco or oakland. but before that usually have to drop off the dog and all three of us have to get ready and straighten up before we leave the house. so we are talking at least 2 hours of getting ready and making sure that M doesn't need to be fed and getting his diaper bag ready. And they are rarely on time. But when we decide oh it's okay to be late they are all waiting for us. WTF?!?!@?!?!?!

So my question of the day is HOW DO YOU DEAL WITH LATE PLANNERS??? This is a constant battle between my husband and I. And I have tried inquiring ahead of time and seeing what they are going to do but no one ever knows the answer. Or assume that we'll hold the event at our place.. ummm no thanks.. my nephew and neice are out of control and i rather not have them over thanks very much. and we have my other families to see/visit.

So what should I do but I guess be prepared.. Since it was Chinese New Year I blocked off Saturday and Sunday thinking that maybe we'll be seeing them. But I don't look forward to seeing them or getting together all that much. When we are there it's better. And thank god i get along with them but i still have this thing because they plan so late.

V-Day..

I dread this day.. But now that I have a family I am going to make the most of it... :-D This year I didn't make anymone a card except for D. But I made magnets with a picture of Belle and the boss to give to my family. And a little something for the kids.

I want to teach the Boss that this day isn't just for lovers but for family too. A way to show each other that we love each other. Although we should be that way to each other everyday.. It's hard when you are going through the motions of each day.

New year already..

Okay so i am really bad I haven't posted anything over here since October last year. So I will work on that. Since it's the new year I feel that I should have some in sight and write about something that's meaningful. But since I didn't really sleep well i am just going to write about random items..

First, goals for this year:

- Exercise 3 times a week.. (which i haven't been good at since i got the stomach flu)
- Try and see friends when i can
- Do more family outtings since M is getting bigger
- Try to be more positive

So far it's been a great year.. My two really good friends (who are basically my sisters) are getting married this year. I am so happy for them because they deserve to have their special days. They have done so much for me and I am glad that I can give back. I just hope it's at least 1/2 of what they did for me. M is getting bigger and such a sponge. Just soaking up everything and everyone.

Bittersweet end..

Unfortunately we were not able to sell our condo.. :-( So we are going to be taking it off the market. And over the weekend bring back all our stuff out of storage and mom's place. It's sad that we had it on the market since June... And not even one offer. But it's okay because honestly it's a nice condo there's nothing wrong with it. I guess it just wasn't our time to sell. It wasn't meant for us to move into the townhouse right now.. Although the townhouse would have been a sweet place and oh so nice. But what can you do?

But now I can decorate our condo and get ready for xmas!! This will be our little one's first xmas so i want to do it right. I already know where I am going to put our 'christmas' (fake) tree. And going to use our last years decoration and some that i have at mom's from buying the day after last year... So some new ones also. I can't wait to hang all of our stockings.. And we have some xmas presents already so i can wrap those too!! hehehehe

Holiday season..

I can't believe that it is almost Thanksgiving, Christmas and new years. I really enjoy this time of year because families get together and you remember the things you are thankful for. Not that we shouldn't appreciate all that we have on a daily basis but sometimes that gets lost. We live busy lives and feel that we must be on the go. I can't wait to decorate the house with all the christmas decorations. this will be my little baby's first christmas.. And I know that he won't really remember anything that we are going to do but I feel that if we start now and get into the spirit of the holidays that we'll do this every year like it's our first.

And I plan to volunteer again once M is old enough to come with us.. I feel that it's important to give back to the community. So until then we will just have to donate presents to the little children that are less fortunate.

Thinking of others...

So why is it that there are so many people out there that don't think of others? one example of what i am talking about is.. just the other night i went to dinner with some friends to this indian restuarant. we were celebrating our friends' engagement. and even my L mentioned that there isn't a lot of food should we order more. and noticed that by the time that i got the sea bass there was only this tiny piece left with a whole bunch of juice/sauce.. keep in mind that my hubby still hasn't got any. so i said that since he has chicken to eat i will take this.. but he gave a look.. so L gave me some of her's to eat.. and i just gave him the fish and was about to ask if he wanted more and he just wasn't happy with me. and said look over at M's plate (which is L's boyfriend).. so i take a peak and notice that he has a mountain full.. and hubby's is not even have full.. so why is it that while knowing that the amount of each dish isn't a lot that some people take more then their share? is it because they think they won't get enough so they want to take more? not thinking that the unspoken rule of take a little and let everyone get a piece. once that dish goes around you can take seconds.

Having a baby changes everything...

Having a baby changed my life for the good. It's been a challenge getting used to being a mother. I must say that during this life changing time. I am very lucky to have my husband home with me. He has been a big help with the baby. He helps the most during the night. He has been really good about making sure that I am getting enough sleep. Having M in our lives is something so new and exciting. But also very tiring - we take turns changing diapers and rocking him to sleep. When I am holding him I can just stare at him and think I can't believe that we made this cute bundle of joy. Or that he is actually in our lives. But now our lives revolve around him. We plan our days around him. We say that we can go out right after I nurse him.. And we have 3 hours until we have to go back home. I never thought I would be like this but I am. I am sure that after awhile it will get easier.

I am also very lucky to have friends that are willing to come and visit me. S has been really great and visited me a couple of times. I am glad that she has taken the time to call me and ask if she can come over. I lose track of time and when M is sleeping so am I. Or I am on the computer catching up on emails, im, or cleaning the house. And in between that getting a shower in. So I haven't been a very good friend on calling people or asking people to come over. I just hope that they understand and keep calling me.

Nesting...

So I have been told that 'most' every pregnant women go through this nesting phase. so i am 37 almost 38 weeks and i have yet to feel this nesting. i feel that this does not exisit with me. i don't think that this makes me a terrible mom. but wonder why i am not going through it. why don't i have the urge to clean the house? why can't i get enough energy to clean the house? i just get so sleepy after cleaning one room if i even get this far.

engagement, marriage, and baby on the way...

I am very happy with my personal life and happy at where hubby and i are. we got married, bought a condo, and he bought me a doggie for my birthday 2 years ago.. which by the way is the BEST present I could ever ask for. and now a baby on the way... :-D all within 3 years of our marriage.

the only sad part is that it's hard going through this life changing time without another preggo friend. i know people who have had their babies but it would be so nice to go through this with someone. i sometimes feel alone. i don't have anyone to talk to about what they are experiencing or someone to tell me 'get ready for this next month'. my friends are great though - they are always asking me how i am feeling and interested to hear about what i am going through and what not. they are great support systems. i gave it to L, S, and B... i just hope i am not driving them crazy. and M tells me her experiences while she was preggo but she seemed to have such a fantastic one that i can only imagine... thank god for co-workers since i see them so much giving me advice and telling me about what they went through. so i guess in a way as i am writing this i realize i am blessed with friends and co-workers... at least i have that. and how can i forget about my LJ girls... they are the best and even if i haven't met them they give me great advice...

3rd Trimester... what a roller coaster

That picture of my baby is exactly how i have been feeling lately. i can't believe how slow i walk now and sleepy i get. bathroom use is pretty much the same.. i have always had an issue. ;-P but all in all i am enjoying being pregnant. everyone is so helpful and wanting to do things for me. i figure i better take advantage of this since i can. :-D

I now have only 7 weeks until I get to meet this little 'mini guy' (as my friend refers to him). i can't wait. but also very nervous and scared. this little guy will be relying on me for everything! i just hope that i am a good of a mother as some that i know.

Selling a place..

I never knew how much it took to get a place ready to sell. I know have a better understanding.. one day and section of the place at a time. You have to clean the place from top to bottom.. and then you can evaluate the place and see what you will need to do to get the home in a 'show' ready atmosphere. We have gone to many open houses. It's different from home to home. For instance, we have gone to a house where they obviously didn't care about how the house looked. Because one of the bedrooms were not only cluttered with crap but the bed was just the mattress on the ground.. with the covers ruffled up and clothes all over. to the kitchen not being nice.. and then to where the owners obviously do not live in the place anymore and either it is empty or 'staged' where they rented the furniture. i appreciate seeing furniture in a place. it gives me a better understanding of how our things will look. plus when i look at homes i open up all the doors and cabinets to see everything. and what's inside. yes i am nosey...

so with that i started to clean the place.. now i have decided to pack items that we won't need or use for the next 3 or so month.. this will get the clutter out. and by cleaning and getting ready it is making me throw stuff out that we don't need anymore. so i started last night by cleaning my closet. my closet now has items that i fit and there is no crap lying around. i already have a list of to dos..

like i said one down and ten million more to go. let the nesting beginning.

Having a baby

I didn't realize that there are so many things to think about when having a baby..

For instance what to bring to the hospital.. To sign up for classes or not. and if so which ones. What the baby's room should be like. What to buy for the baby? now there are so many different options for just a stroller mind you that you don't want me to get started on what kind of car seat to get. but it's true and some of the stuff is more for parents and what they like and style. for instance i like this brand of stroller by bugaboo. but then when i really thought about it i decided against it. was i getting it because i really liked it or because i have seen it pop up in my instyle magazine and other celebraties using it. the other decision factor is that it's way expensive. so that wasn't worth it to me.

But it is fun going to babies r us with the hubby and deciding what we like and don't like. it's just hard because we want to make the right decision and don't want to buy the wrong item. or one that can harm the little guy. thank god we have some friends whom already had a baby and can ask questions to.

but i am not going to let all this take away from enjoying being pregnant or the fact that we are going to get to meet this mini guy in may!

Valentines Day - To Celebrate or Not..

I don't want to give the wrong idea about me not being a romantic. But aren't holidays supposed to make most people happy? I once had a close friend that this holiday seemed to make depressed. All because she was single and didn't have that special person. I try to do a little something for everyone. But it is still hard for me to this day to really celebrate a holiday that not only seems very commerical but that can make someone feel bad about themselves. So the hubby and i usually just exchange cards and I give a little something to the family. But I don't do more than that. Plus shouldn't you always treat your other half like it v-day everyday?

Friends and other halves

i guess you can pick your friends but you can't pick who they will fall in love with. you just have to hope and pray that they know what they are doing. i love L to death and can only wish her the best. and pray that the person she chooses to be with ends up being a good person. it's hard when you don't get the best of feelings/vibe when you meet someone. or that you wonder if they are really right for someone. or what are their 'real' intentions with your friends.

i guess i have always been the one out of the three of us that is harder on the guys that my friends chooses to be with. but with time i usually warm up and end up liking them.. or for some of those ex's still HATE with a passion. but very glad that they wake up and smell the coffee. it's just i feel that it should come natural on feeling comfortable and wanting to be friends. but also i feel that the boys SHOULD be proving themselves to not only our friends that they are with but the other two friends. of course no butt kissing but honestly being somewhat of themselves and showing us that they are good people.

so what do you do when the guys start off on a bad foot? obviously from what i have experienced lately he just avoids you like anything. and your friend doesn't really do anything to try and make it better.

therefore, i am trying a different approach to the situation. which is also a goal of mine for 2006. i am not the one that may or may not marry this 'interesting and different' person. which i have nothing in common with but L is our only common ground. and maybe that we both enjoy the arts. not sure if they are the same but we love the arts and music. so anyways, i am trying to be open minded and nicer to the person.. yes i am the type of girl that wears her emotions on her shelves.. (unfortunately if i do not like or trust you - you will know it. must be the cancer in me) but for L i will do anything to make her happy. cuz i know she would do the same for me. i know that she is the type that even if she doesn't care too much for the person she doesn't show you.. and that's not being fake but i will think of it as giving the person a chance. and try to just be friends but i will only go so far Less than halfway because to me he should be the one trying not me. i am giving this a couple months to see how this goes... but if i don't see a difference then we'll cross that bridge when we get there.

Cooking together...

well i haven't really cooked since i have been pregnant. because smells just haven't been my friend..

but last night was nice. D and i were cooking together last night since i can't remember.. and then we ate dinner and watched some tv.. and of course we had some conversation in between. and then the wonderful husband that he is cleaned whatever dishes i didn't wash yet. i am one of those anal people that have to was the dishes that i used to prepare the dinner as we go. so it was just the rice cooker thing, wok, and the dishes we ate dinner with. but still that was very nice of him. then i was ready for bed.

what a nice evening to a long busy day.

2006 Goals..

Okay so I had the weekend to think about this....

I have made a list of items that I would like to have goals for:

1. Try and see my other friends more.. Than just email or call...

2. Take Belle to the dog park more often

3. Work out again.. Need to be in shape to push this baby boy out.

4. Be a better wife (eg. cook more often, be nicer, and so on..) The cooking will have to be after the baby cuz smells still get to me.

5. Save money.. Stop spending on things that I don't need just cuz they are on sale.

6. Try at least 2 new adventures/things...

7.

8.

9.

Leaving a couple blank just in case I think of something else.

Thoughts for the day...

So I am feeling very chipper today.. Not sure why but I am. But I will take it ever since my surgery i have felt BLAH.. And just wanted to lay in bed and do nothing. Maybe it's cuz I am getting out more again... Of course starting out slowly. I started back at work on Monday; S came over to keep me company; hung out with C and L last night; and have felt Mason moving around at least once a day for a period of time since Monday. It's so nice to see the girls again. I really missed them over the two weeks that i was basically recovering. I must remind myself that i need to tell them to just call me and come over. Not wait for me cuz i become L-A-Z-Y!!!

Still no resolutions for 2006. But I haven't thought about it. Do we really need to make resolutions each and every year? Shouldn't we just be a work in progress on all aspects of our life?

I am not sure but I am the type of person that likes to have goals so that I can work towards something. If you were a Friends watcher.. I am such a 'List Person'... I love making lists... I make a list of what i need to buy before going to the grocery store - although i usually end up leaving more than i wrote down. but whose keeping track. when going on vacation i always have my handy dandy list to make sure i don't forget ANYTHING!!

Great Life

So it's 2006 and time to decide on my new years resolution.. i usually have at least one item that i want to work on. but i haven't decided what exactly i want to choose. i am thinking working on being more patient with my husband.. but who knows. i sometimes wonder if it's worth having a new years resolution. i try to stick to it but then sometimes it's hard. should i have one or not?

i am really looking forward to the new year. i am hoping that my sister will become engaged. s and j will get married and have a little one on the way. and i get to meet mason!!

Only me..

So last night I locked myself out of the condo last night... had to wait for mom to come and let me back in.. thank god she doesn't live too far away from me. my emergency person wasn't home. i will now carry my cell phone with me at ALL times.

roller coaster...

Life is strange sometimes.. you are constantly on a roller coaster and you don't know how long you are going to be going up and down.. turned side to side or if it's going to be straight for a little bit. the straight away is always nice but i guess in order to learn and grow you need the ups, downs, left and rights. so right now i am going on a up and down part phase of my life. but it seems like i am always on that part. but honestly it's okay because i know in the end it will be okay. sometimes it is hard to go through and i wonder why i have to go through it. but in the end i always feel stronger and closer to whomever i go through it with.

Choices...

So I am thinking about how my life is and life in general. I am a true believer in fate/destiny.. but when we are faced with two or more paths to take and we choice one over the other/s.. is it really us choosing the path or are we somewhat lead onto the path we are about to go on? or no matter what fate is going to guide us to go through it one way or another.. it may not be today or the next day but we'll somehow go the way that fate wants...

On Boys.... i am a firm believer that when you are in a relationship you learn more and grow. for instance when my ex cheated on me - i learned the signs so that i would know that the next guy is not right for me. but by that person doing that action it helped make me a stronger person. and i learned how to heal from the emotional pain. and that i deserve better and that he just wasn't the right person for me. but he was a better friend than boyfriend. i didn't want to lose him as a friend because we were friends first and he really knew me. then there was the guy that helped me learn that i don't need to go out all the time. it's nice to stay home - cuz i am not missing anything. the party scene will always be there. and that there was someone out there could appreciate me. he loved the lame things that i did. he thought i was funny. but turned out that he and his friends had a lot of growing up to do.. even if he was older than me and that i wasn't the right girl for him. but he helped me grow up and appreciate 'my time alone'. and also that family is important and to appreciate having them. and of course in between there were guys that came and went in my life.. but there was one that also was there for me.. he waited patiently while i grew up and experienced life.. he introduced me to different kinds of food (not to mention SPICY). he taught me that love is unconditional. he loves me for me.. he pretty much knows me inside and out and still is there for me.. with all my bad habbits and roller coaster of a life that i gave him he still proposed and we have been married for a little over two years.. and he bought me the best birthday present ever last year. what you ask? he bought me my very first puppy ever.. my very own and we even picked her out together. he isn't just my husband but my very best friend... fate made it so that i would go through all the ups and downs with the other boys so that i would cherish and appreciate what i have now. and boy do i ever. he is one of the best things that walked into my life. :-D love you hubby.

friends.. i believe that there are different kinds of friends.. the ones that only come and go out of your life is because you both are helping each other through whatever that is going on currently. then there are the friends like L and S the ones that are in it for the long run.. the ones you can call sisters. the ones that know you inside and out as well and still love you. of course we don't share everything but most everything.. they are the ones that when you go through something in life whether it be good or bad they too are feeling what you are. as well as the other way around. they are the ones that you know even if they get on your nerves and you get on there's that it'll be cool the next day.. or if not that you know you can talk about it and smooth everything over. they are apart of you.. the ones that if something good happens to they are the ones to call (or bad). then there are ones like B.. from just being co-workers to having a real friendship.. the one you can ask to go to lunch with or walks.. and have nice conversations with. the one that you know you can share secrets with and know that you can still trust... the one you find that you have some things in common with and can't explain why you just like hanging out together. then there are other friends that you have known for years and can get together with as if no time has passed because you are just catching up and enjoying each other's company... i have a lot of friends like this.. i know it's not either of our faulta that we can't always see, talk, chat on im or email a lot but we are cool like that. they know i love and care for them and i hope it is the same for them to me. then there are friends that you just don't have anything in common with and you both just give up on the friendship.. that's okay too because we are going on different paths and will hopefully meet again later on in life. no hard feelings just a shame that we can't still go through life together.

Family.. need i say more.

Christmas Gifts..

I love giving gifts.. I may actually like shopping for other people more than getting gifts. I work really hard at thinking what a person would want and not giving out just random things.. but i maybe guilty of it sometimes. Although, it is hard when you are trying to make sure that you don't forget someone... But that's what christmas cookies are for.. My little sis and I will be baking some cookies to give out as gifts too.. Now I am so not the kind of person that buys premade cookies.. that's cheating - we are actually making our own cookies.. To me that's kind of cheesy too.. but if someone likes doing it that way more power to them.. for instance that is how my mom cooks. but i like to actually shift the flour, baking soda, salt, baking powder and so on. Plus I feel like I worked more on the gift.

I am pretty much done if not i already have in mind what i want to get.. just too lazy to go to the mall and buy it. the mall is a ZOO!!!

Do I?

So I am currently going through a trying time in my life.. That's too personal to write about but I should be okay with whatever the turn out is. But it has made me think about who I am and what I want to be remembered as.

I have always felt that even if I have just met you, we were friends, friends, ex boyfriends or whatever that I have made a difference in your life. That I somehow helped make you a better person.. I left my 'positive mark' in your life. And lately I am questioning if I have really done that. So from this point on I will try to do as I hope to have done. How you wonder.. I don't know myself but I figure with each person and situation I will hopefully know what to do.

And the other thing that has crossed my mind is that i want to be a better person, wife, friend, sister, daughter, grand-daughter and so on.. And I feel that I have been working on this each and every day. I am learning from my mistakes.. For instance, my short temper I am working on and feel that I am better. I try to understand each person and where they are coming from. I try respecting each person's decision even if I don't neccessarily agree with them.. But it's their live and they need to go through whatever it is that they need to. I can't protect the world or them. I just want them to know that I am there no matter what. But of course I still give my opinion and it's up to them if they want to take it or not.. I don't push my beliefs on other people. I love feedback.. So I try to remember that when someone is telling me something about myself to understand that is how they feel and what they are thinking. It's all about respect, understanding, love, and so on. But I know that I really need to practice this more with my husband, mom and sister.. they tend to annoy me the most and I know they are the ones that i should be otherwise to... I am a work in progress and know that I will always be.. Because if I thought I was perfect then I wouldn't learn anything new.. and that would be BORING...

Just my thoughts for today.

Holidays!!

I love the holidays.. But mostly Christmas... I love how most everyone gets to open presents. It's not like a birthday where only one person does but we all get to open presents. I love that we get to spend time with family..

Unfortunately, nowadays it's hard because my hubby's family has started celebrating the holidays. So how do we do it? I have my mom's, dad's and now theirs. I guess we can do breakfast with his family. Because lunch and dinner is usually with both of my parents. I guess if my parents were still together that would make it a lot easier but they aren't. And i can't see myself not seeing my family for the holidays.. they make the best foods and i don't know how to compromise on this. I guess if they didn't live so close it would be easier. But from what we've been doing lately is lunch with my mom and family.. Then I would go to dad's with my sister and her boyfriend. And he would go to his family dinner.. We'd just represent each other. But now that we have a baby on the way I don't know if I like that idea.. I am wondering if I could convince one of the families to do the eve.. Either way I still LOVE the holidays and wouldn't trade it for anything.

What Oprah had to say about men..

I read this and knew that I had to share this with someone...

HEAR WHAT OPRAH HAD TO SAY ABOUT MEN

If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away.
If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay.
Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior.
Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.
Stop trying to change yourself for a relationship that's not meant to
be. Slower is better. Never live your life for a man before you find
what makes you truly happy. If a relationship ends because the man was
not treating you as you deserve then heck no, you can't "be friends". A
friend wouldn't mistreat a friend. Don't settle. If you feel like he is
stringing you along, then he probably is. Don't stay because you think
"it will get better." You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying
when things are not better. The only person you can control in a
relationship is you. Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch
of different women. He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant, why
would he treat you any differently? Always have your own set of friends
separate from his. Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you. If
something bothers you, speak up. Never let a man know everything. He
will use it against you later. You cannot change a man's behavior.
Change comes from within. Don't EVER make him feel he is more important
than you are... even if he has more education or in a better job. Do not
make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more nothing less. Never
let a man define who you are. Never borrow someone else's man. If he
cheated with you, he'll cheat on you. A man will only treat you the way
you ALLOW him to treat you. All men are NOT dogs. You should not be the
one doing all the bending... compromise is two way street. You need time
to heal between relationships... there is nothing cute about baggage...
Deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship You should
never look for someone to COMPLETE you... a relationship consists! of
two WHOLE individuals... look for someone complimentary... not
supplementary. Dating is fun... even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr.
Right.
Make him miss you sometimes... when a man always know where! You are,
and you're always readily available to him - he takes it for granted.
Never move into his mother's house. Never co-sign for a man. Don't fully
commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need. Keep him
in your radar but get to know others. Share this with other women and
men (just so they know)... You'll make someone smile, another rethink
her/his choices, and another woman prepare, and a man aware.

People come and go..

So as I get older I am noticing that I tend to not waste time trying to make friends.. Like I did when I was younger. Not to say that I won't make a new friend here or there. But I won't go out just to meet new people. I am very happy where I am in life. And can say that I appreciate all my friends and family that I have. I am content with being home watching or reading a good book with Belle. Or hanging out with a friend/s. I don't need to go to the latest bar or club anymore to have fun. I have or awhile now know that you don't need to always go out. I am not missing anything. Before going to a club 10 years ago hasn't changed from now a days.. Music so loud that you can't have a conversation... Girls trying to see who can dress the 'sexest' (if you consider teenie-bopper sexy) style. Creppy guys checking you out to being pushed back and forth cuz you are small. I rather go to a coffee shop and have a real conversation and see how someone is doing. Not that I am knocking anyone who still does it - to each his own. I just choose to have a more low key lifestyle... But I won't turn away a party night in VEGAS... ;-P

Happy Halloween!!

Happy Halloween to everyone!! Now I am getting really excited because I have been dying to decorate our place for xmas.. i think i may start this week!! I love christmas...

3's a crowd... so not true!!

I am sure that everyone has heard of Threes a Crowd... well i can honestly say that L, S and I can prove it wrong for the most part. yes sometimes one person may feel left out but majority of the time we all make our effort not to leave anyone out. it is hard to maintain a friendship when there are 3 people involved. But as long as you include everyone and honestly keep communicating it's all good. I am a middle child and grew up that everyone is treated equal. On the other hand L and S are both only child... So they are moreso on the one on one time with each person. I just feel that by doing that you are making the other person feel left out. So I try to keep us together by doing things together. Which seems to be working..

Friends and the opposite sex...

Just a thought but why is it that friends always say they 'value' your opinion.. And when it comes down to it (at least in the other sex department) they don't really listen to you? They ask you what you think and they still are with the person.. Why bother asking me if it comes down to it where you honestly will do whatever you want???? I just rather have you not ask me and let me think that my opinion means something.... but the sad thing is that i feel that my relationship with this friend is not as close now.. then again we aren't usually as close when she does have a boyfriend. but to be honest the last one and current real boyfriend - i don't think too highly of. i mean i am happy for her because she is happy but there is just something i don't like about this guy.. and sometimes the way he treats her and what he says is so uncalled for. but i have to remind myself that it's not my boyfriend. i guess i just feel that she is someone really close to me and someone i respected a lot and that she deserves the best. and when i see her take s$%t from boys it just changes my opinion of her. because she is such a strong minded person.

Blah Monday..

This weekend was nice because I got to see my dad, step-mom and obachan (aka - grandmother). we all went to dinner along with hubby, sister and her boyfriend. we celebrated our birthdays.. july, august and sept. but yesterday i got to go grocery shoping, cook dinner and watch desperate housewives with s and l. gotta love those do nothing relaxing weekends!!

Why is it when we get older and married.. that it's harder to spend time with everyone??? I really haven't seen my in-laws since maybe july!!! and i haven't seen my dad since july 4th. and let's not even talk about friends. it just seems like there aren't enough days in the week.. :-P but even if i don't see or talk to them - i do think about everyone and hope that everyone is healthy and happy.

Sunny Monday...

The one thing that I love about California is that the weather is unpredictable.. But in a great way because the mornings can be cloudy and dark.. then by the afternoon the sun has come out and the air is either warm, just right, or crisp.... I like this time of year because the sun is out but it's cooler so you aren't sweating. I don't think I can ever handle the 4 seasons that most other states have to deal with. I also love the fact that there are so many different kinds of places to eat at. I would never trade living in the bay area for anything... But I love to go to other places and see how other people live..

Cloudy Days = lazy days

Why is it that on cloudy days you just want to do nothing? Right now it's cloudy outside and all i want to do is climb back into bed. I don't feel like working out today...

But thank god for work because I will be keep busy and on my toes. Maybe since I am usually one of the first 10 people to come into work and it being quiet. But it is also nice to be able to read and respond to email without being interupted. And being able to take care of a lot more items. I am a big check list person. If you watch Friends and remember that episode where they are going to Europe for Ross's wedding. And Monica says something that she needed to do and then says check that is so me. I like to write a list of 'to dos' and check them off.

Little kid again..

Why is it that Disneyland can make any kid - big or small so excited? I have butterflies in my tummy about going. Maybe it's cuz it's the only place that a grown person can act like a child? Well aside from just being excited about going to Disneyland we are going to watch the fireworks. I hear that it is amazing! I can not wait to see for myself. Not sure what to expect but I hear that there is a great story that goes along with the fireworks and the person talking is Julie Andrews!! Mary Poppins herself.

Best Buddy for life..

This morning I looked over to the left side of the bed and realized something.. I love being married to my best buddy in the whole wide world. I never thought I would feel this way about being married. It's nice to know that I always have someone to hang out with and vice versa. Or that he is the most wonderful hubby sometimes.. Because he is very understand (most times), loving, fun, serious when need be, my rock and encourages me to hang out with friends.. doesn't expect me to be with him at ALL times... And I feel the same way. I love the fact that when we go to dinner we can talk about the day, about work or anything.. but also we don't have to say a word. I love the fact that we enjoy eating the same food and if i don't like it he'll eat and same for him. I love the fact that our families both love us and that for the we all get along.

I do wish that we could see his family more.. Because my nephews and sister know him but I don't think that his niece and nephew really know me. Plus his mom is definitely one of the BEST cooks i know. I sure do miss her cooking.

30 and enjoying life

Some people dread the day they turn 30 or think that 30 is old.. Which I must admit I was one of 'those' people when I was in my late teens and even early 20's. But I am happy to be 30 and so enjoying my life. I feel that I am wiser and more go with the flow than i was 10 years ago... Plus my friends and i enjoy telling stories about the past.. We laugh so hard about it all... :-D

Barnes and Noble

Not sure is this was true or not but still wanted to warn you mommies out there:

I was in Barnes and Noble bookstore this evening around 8pm in the children's section with Ryan. He was sitting at a round kids table and I was looking at books within 3-4 feet from him. All of a sudden this young guy darts in the children's area right toward RYAN. He must not have seen me from the angle he was approaching Ryan. I felt a weird feeling, not sure if he was looking for his kid or he was out of place--- so I darted right in front of him JUST BEFORE HE GOT TO RYAN!!! Looking confused he went out of the children's area back into the store. He did not make eye contact with me or make any comment. I told a sales associate right away, and they said he had been hanging out near the children's area ALL night. I did not want Ryan to be scared or just in case this guy was mentally ill (who knows what people are capable of..) I took Ryan's hand and told him mommy was going to get a magazine then we were going home. I picked up a magazine and kept an eye out for him.I went to the checkout stand and I saw him move from the back of the store to the front. I told the clerk to walk me out because I did not feel safe. For some reason I felt that if I grabbed Ryan and ran out it may be risky, so the manager was watching him and I tried to act normal.

I put some music on in the car so Ryan would not hear me call the police. The officer said she just missed him and she was very frustrated the store did not call the police. She and I spoke for awhile --and she was saying it is not uncommon for a sexual predator/ kidnapper to hang out in bookstores and especially places like "the jungle" & water parks.

This guy was in his 30's kind of nerdy looking in shorts a tee and tennis shoes. He was wearing reading glasses and had greasy, shaggy
hair. I am trying to remain calm and be thankful Ryan is safe. For a person to be that brazen would lead me to think his intent was kidnapping.

NEVER have a false sense of security, even when there are other moms and children around.

What's a girl to do?

I know some girls are totally into clothes and shoes.. But my things are make-up (not that I wear it), skin care, purses and wallets... I just can't seem to get enough. Although I have been really good about not buying my expensive brands for the last 2 years... But I love to go and look at them.. And if there is a make up event with one of the brands that I like I am so there.. But why? I don't need anymore? But why am I always looking for something better?

Picture again..

let's try again... geez i suck at this.

Recovering and Vegas Baby...

I guess I will have to post another one for some reason that last post I wrote disappeared.. So I guess this will be another short one..

So most of last week I was trying to get over this cold that I had.. So I was basically miserable. Then Thursday off to Vegas.. didn't really gamble but shopped a lot!! On the last day I decided to just suck it up and purchase a little something for me:

[IMG]http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v630/eoiwa/coach.jpg[/IMG]

And Monday we celebrated our 2nd wedding anniversary.. :-D I can't believe it's been 2 years that we've been married. I never thought I would enjoy being married as much as I have and that I love knowing that I will be with him for the rest of my life.. Being with one person always used to scare the lights out of me... Let alone being in a serious relationship. I never really let anyone into my life before - I mean completely.

I miss my friend Beatrice cuz we usually talk or see each other but since I have been sick I really haven't talked to her. Hopefully we'll get to go for another walk this week. :-D

Belle got into something when we weren't home... She just wants a friend to play with.

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Testing to see if pic was uploaded..

Camera time...

so i have camera on my mind.. i just want a simple and small digital camera that i can put in all my purses.. i have been looking at the Canon PowerShot since they are now slimmer and seem easy to use. and also i don't have to constantly buy AA batteries.. the canon powershot has a rechargable battery. how nice is that.. it's been awhile since i have had that. but do i really need one? i am such a guy when it comes to electronical stuff.. i just LOVE gadgets!!! who can't appreciate the latest and greatest.. especially if they make them smaller and cutier...

Another Great Birthday...

thursday after work i got home to a really pretty flower arrangement from L. a really cute dog wagging her tail and happy to see me. and as I walked into my room I spot a nice size gucci bag.. My wonderful hubby had bought me a really cute brown messenger bag. And two really thoughtful cards. one from dave and the other from belle. and to top that off dave drew me a bath and took me to get a massage.

Friday we went to dinner with the family last night to celebrate baby and my birthday!! :-D it's always nice see my family.

You know everyday should be a celebration of your birth. And i should be happy that everyone close to me is healthy and close where we can see each other as often as we want. because some people don't live driving distance away from each other. but the one thing that i am grateful for is that i get to know my grandparents everyday. i am lucky that all three of my grandparents are alive.. and that even if my dad's dad (my ojichan) past away when i was in third grade at least i got to know him. and that i know he is with me everyday watching over me with mike. and that he knows that he will ALWAYS be in my heart. I hope that i have affected people like this. that i have touched people that i have meet even if it was for a brief moment.

2 more days..

so it's two more days until my birthday!! i literally can't wait! this year for my birthday dave will be taking me on a trip for my birthday.. and maybe i will be able to get a present while we are there.. wherever that may be.. :-D

this friday for lunch i am going with Beatrice to celebrate our birthdays!! how cool is that to have a birthday right after each other. it's rare to make a friend at your work place because I am normally one that goes to work and does her own thing and then goes home. but it sure is nice to have a friend or two.

So I really need to think of more items that I want to accomplish by end of this year...

Cupertino Library

I can't believe it.. When did it happen???

The Cupertino Library is high Tech.. Are all libraries like this? I just got back from going to the Library with a friend and there are computers set up so that you can check out book and DVDs yourself. First I am surprised that you can borrow DVDs from the library and amazed that you can check it out yourself!!! I think that's great and can't wait to borrow my first book. I haven't gone to the library in almost 6-7 years!!! But now that I am on this 'i want to save money' phase and use it for where it needs to be..

Why is it...

Why is it that people ask you when are you going to get married? So you and your boyfriend finally get engaged and than finally get married.. But then right away why is it that people ask when are you going to have babies??? I can't understand don't you want the married couple to enjoy the fact that they are married?

So for my birthday last year hubby bought me a doggie for my birthday.. so at least this way when people ask me I say I do have a baby and her name is Belle.. :-P But shouldn't people be proud of the fact that we are doing things what we feel are right? We got engaged, moved out to an apartment, got married, bought a place of our own, have a dog (so that makes us a family of 2.5) and want to enjoy our married life and travel first. I know that having a child is a lot of responsibility. I just say in a couple of years.. And the next response is you aren't getting any younger.. Yeah so what I am turning 30 in 10 more days.. but people are having children later on in life. So give me a break.

Nice weekend..

so went bowling with some friends on friday nite.. let me start by saying that i suck i normally am very happy when i break 100. and haven't bowled in over 2-3 years at least! so to my surprise the first game i went over 100 and the second i not only got a TURKEY but i bowled 163!!! wth?

the rest of the weekend was spent either cleaning the condo cuz family was coming over on monday or hanging out with family. saturday the hubby and i spent a little bit of time before he had to go into work. so i was happy with that.

Countdown cont' til i turn 30.. i have 16 more days to say that i am 20 something.. i can't believe that i am going to be 30 already. i don't even feel that i have accomplished a lot in my life yet.. i better get a move on it.