work in progress...

it's so hard to try and become a better person or even be the better person...

for instance on sunday i found out that my father visited my brother and SIL in the hospital when she gave birth to their 2nd set of twins. well he didn't even visit me - his own daughter. that hurt my feelings a little but what can i do?? if i say anything he'll just come up with some excuss on why he wasn't there. what is that saying - you can't teach an old man new tricks.. or change the way he is or what comes out of his mouth. it's so hard to be the better person with him. but know that it's not me. so i have made a decision that i really need to practice what i preach. so when it comes to my dad i need to say it's not me. i know that i try to do good, thoughtful and nice. it's just that we don't see eye to eye. and that's okay because we can't always get along or agree. he is the way he is and that's that. i just have to work on how i react to what decisions he makes. try and not let it hurt me and just say it's his fault for not taking the time to get to know me and it's not my problem he is an A$$ sometimes. i don't have to life with him anymore. in one ear and out the other.

another person we'll call her T is someone where there was a conflict a couple years ago. when i went to L's wedding I told her that i will be nice and that it was 2 years ago. i don't hold anything against her or dislike her. it was so long ago and that i am over it. so at L's wedding i see T and say 'Hi' to her and her new husband. He said hi and smiled. I get a mumbled hi and no look and smile. i was a little annoyed and thought how could someone have this person as a friend? but now i just feel sorry for her. i feel bad that she is still immature and holds what happened two years ago still against me. that she isn't over it. that she can't move past it. what happened to being mature and letting little things go? sometimes i wonder if i should just go up to her and say something the next time i see her because honestly - it takes more energy to dislike someone than just be nice.

so i will work on being nice to everyone.. there's always a reason for why someone is in a bad mood and not happy. it's not my job to make you happy or a better person. but at least know that i was nice and helpful is enough for me.

I really would like to feel that if I have come across your path/journey in life that I have helped change it for the better. That I brought a smile to your life/face. I was a positive influence and that I helped make it better. That when you think of me that a smile appears.