Thanks M

The other day I was watching Brothers and Sisters with my mom. And for this episode a character had a miscarriage. I then realized that I was really lucky to overall have a easy pregnancy and healthy baby. Which also made me realize how much love, joy and laughter that M has brought to our lives.. There are of course some days where I just want to pull my hair out but overall it's been great.

I then also realized that there are people in this world that go through this and I felt so bad. Or even to the people that have a hard time conceiving. My heart goes out to all those couples that have to travel this path.

Then I also think about all those parents out there that can get pregnant with no issues! And can't afford to provide all that they should to their children or people who abuse their children. That makes me so mad that there are people out there like that.

FINALLY!!! Mr. and Mrs. H

This past weekend was the wedding of the YEAR!! one of my closest and dearest friend S just got married to j!! we have been planning and preparing for this day since for a year! it was by far one of the nicest weddings that I have attended and helped out. I was a little worried that she was going to have a nervous breakdown but S did a wonderful job on everything.. From looking so beautiful in her wedding dress and having her hair done to her elegant but cozy wedding reception! She planned everything so well with D. She couldn't have picked a better father to marry her and J. He was great! He made it fun yet special during her ceremony (Which reminded me of mine). To having made sure that the bridesmaids' bouquets were beautiful yet simple all at the same time. To making us all feel special. They made sure to spend time with all the guests to thank them for coming. Which I find VERY important. And at the same time having a great time themselves. But most important the food was yummy! I was really happy that I was able to eat some food, enjoy myself, and make sure that the reception ran smoothly with D. She was a JOY to work with. I even made us way ahead of schedule without making the bride or groom feel rushed! :-D It was by far a really nice wedding. I just hope that S felt that I was honestly there for her because I was also her matron of honor.

Although I won't lie there were some hiccups.. For instance our wonderful friend's husband M not following directions well and then handing off his duty to the DJ!! First off he made himself feel that he was such an 'important' part of the wedding.. So first off he didn't mention TWO of the names on the list of families that were on the brides' side.. umm it's written you dumb A@S!! How could you forget and you had S read off all the names to you so that you'd be able to pronounce it!! BTW, he recorded her saying it too.. yeah smooth move buddy.. And it's just funny because he has been practicing and everything!! Yeah you are a great MC - remind me to ask you to speak at a function I throw - NOT... To announcing things that aren't supposed to yet.. smooth like butter. This all from a man whom 'claims' to be a professional Opera Singer.. Which for as long as I have know him (a whole two years and then some) hasn't had a job. And is now a teacher. sorry it's just hard to like someone whom always doesn't things to annoy the heck out of me. Oh and yeah the day before at the rehearsal to make him feel special.. He arrives late at S and J's rehearsal dinner and has L introduce him to everyone.. ummm just sit your A@S down it's not your day.. You'll meet them when you meet them. Sorry just need to get that off my chest.

Me no longer..

So yesterday after 4.5 weeks is me no longer.. My cast was taken off and I am now only wearing an ankle brace!! For the first time since then can I keep up with M walking down the hallway. Since I have had this cast put on my son started walking fast/running down the hall. So he would usually get mad at me for not keeping up. :-D but yesterday that ended! We now can walk down together. That makes us both happy.. It's so funny how little things can make me so happy. He is teaching me that I need to be an example. Because he is starting to copy us. And trying to talk more and more with actual words. :-D

For instance he is going through this phase of biting people. IF I point my finger at him and tell him no he'll try and bit the closest thing. We found it funny and I would nibble on his finger, leg or tummy to make him laugh. Well that's ended on Monday when I found out he bit another child at daycare! So now we are not doing anything that would be bad so he won't do it. How do you discipline a almost 16 month old?? and to make it a way where he understands.. We try to put on time out.. But the kid will try and get up or hit me. Of course as this is happening I am saying hitting is bad. No doing that and tell him to say sorry. But how do you really teach right from wrong? I have been thinking about this since Monday and will be doing some research as to what the 'experts' have to say..

Grandma.. new outlook..

well a couple weeks ago i was talking to my grandma about my SIL and how she is not responsible for her kids. so she says she is 'laxed'... and i say 'irresponsible'.. so after awhile D chimes in and says that he wants to be laxed. and she said oh no you are too responsible. hehehehe made me think that i like the way she thinks. i need to try and be nicer and more positive about things. life is way too short. and we are all have our own points of view of how we want to raise our children. Grandma just made me realize that she sees the same thing but when you say it differently it doesn't 'seem' so bad. also she is my grandma and she can't be mean to anyone...

work in progress...

it's so hard to try and become a better person or even be the better person...

for instance on sunday i found out that my father visited my brother and SIL in the hospital when she gave birth to their 2nd set of twins. well he didn't even visit me - his own daughter. that hurt my feelings a little but what can i do?? if i say anything he'll just come up with some excuss on why he wasn't there. what is that saying - you can't teach an old man new tricks.. or change the way he is or what comes out of his mouth. it's so hard to be the better person with him. but know that it's not me. so i have made a decision that i really need to practice what i preach. so when it comes to my dad i need to say it's not me. i know that i try to do good, thoughtful and nice. it's just that we don't see eye to eye. and that's okay because we can't always get along or agree. he is the way he is and that's that. i just have to work on how i react to what decisions he makes. try and not let it hurt me and just say it's his fault for not taking the time to get to know me and it's not my problem he is an A$$ sometimes. i don't have to life with him anymore. in one ear and out the other.

another person we'll call her T is someone where there was a conflict a couple years ago. when i went to L's wedding I told her that i will be nice and that it was 2 years ago. i don't hold anything against her or dislike her. it was so long ago and that i am over it. so at L's wedding i see T and say 'Hi' to her and her new husband. He said hi and smiled. I get a mumbled hi and no look and smile. i was a little annoyed and thought how could someone have this person as a friend? but now i just feel sorry for her. i feel bad that she is still immature and holds what happened two years ago still against me. that she isn't over it. that she can't move past it. what happened to being mature and letting little things go? sometimes i wonder if i should just go up to her and say something the next time i see her because honestly - it takes more energy to dislike someone than just be nice.

so i will work on being nice to everyone.. there's always a reason for why someone is in a bad mood and not happy. it's not my job to make you happy or a better person. but at least know that i was nice and helpful is enough for me.

I really would like to feel that if I have come across your path/journey in life that I have helped change it for the better. That I brought a smile to your life/face. I was a positive influence and that I helped make it better. That when you think of me that a smile appears.

WHY????

Why is it that either you are TOO fat or TOO skinny and need to eat more with asian parents/family???

Honestly when I met my DH he was the biggest F.O.B. and skinny boy I ever saw. Granted I was only 18 and just out of highschool. But still - he was a skinny boy. And over the years he has learned how to work out so that he bulks up instead of just staying small. He to me now if PERFECT! I couldn't ask for a nicer looking husband. He is trying to work out again. But no thanks to his family they tell him that he is FAT. Of course he maybe fat if you are refering to how he used to be over 10 years ago. I don't want a stick for a husband. But then again his mom complains that our son is small and not eating enough. And giving us unsolicated advice. Why can't more traditional asian families give you compliments instead of insults?

I honestly haven't heard anything positive from his mom since we got engaged.. It started with my engagement diamond was a tiny thing to why aren't you giving me more grandchildren. You need to have 3 babies since I had three.. ummm lady we are in 2007 we think about what we can afford not how many children can i have.

I am now trying to learn the 'in one ear and out the other'. Since I can not speak up for myself and my husband doesn't for our son or me. There isn't anything else I can do that won't seem disrespectful. So this is what I have to do. But let me tell you it's hard to bit my tongue when I am the one who always expresses myself. So I guess I will have to learn to use the I am looking at you but not listening. The only way to get my feelings not hurt.

Little Man's first Birthday

Well I can't believe that my little guy is going to be one! So much has been going on in just a year. Planning his 1st birthday since he was 6 months old.. I just have to write down my thoughts about what I want to do..

As for him and what he has accomplished in just almost shy of being 11 months is amazing to say the least.. The first three months of 'hell' - or the beginnings of parenthood. Although I shouldn't complain too much we are very lucky with the little guy... After 3 months he just started to show more of his personality. Well he started sleeping though the night!! 3-6 months he just was soaking in the world.. Didn't like tummy time too much preferred to be in his stroller going for walks. Started to sit up by himself and see the world in a new light. Starting at 6 months he could somewhat 'play' by himself. we just had to put a bunch of toys around him on a blanket. Somewhere between then and now he has gotten 8 teeth.. Four on the top and four on the bottom. At 8 months daddy taught him to play basketball.. 9 months daddy taught him to pass it back and forth. 9 months he was pulling himself up... around 10 months he started 'cruising' around the couches. And at 6 months we started giving him solids... Now he loves people food but still eats the baby food. He is a chip off of the old man. He is a great mix of D and I. But of course everyone says that he looks like D. And that brings a cute little smile to his face so we'll leave it at that.

Well off to do some work and plan out my little man's birthday.. And thanks to some great girls I met from WC and LJ I can 'borrow/use' their great ideas mixed with what I want to do..

Buyers remorse

I am regreting getting the Pilot.. It's just so big and having to gas up at least twice a week and being about $32-40 bucks each time is too much!! I guess i was just going along with what D wanting.. And not what I truly wanted.. I wanted a new accord or CRV.. Even a used CRV or accord. Those would have been perfect for me. I get sad every time i see one and wish I would have just done what I wanted. I even tried looking at the dealership when we were there but D insisted that he talk to the sales person about the pilot.

I hope that this will pass with time and that it's just for now and that I will really like this SUV. But for now I regret buying such a big car that drinks gas like there's no tomorrow.

Thanks D

Thanks to my wonderful husband i now will have a [hopefully] no more back pains. i can't believe that we finally bought me my car. i have been looking into buying a car because my old one gives me back pain and bumps on my head. the integra is so small and compact but thanks to D he helped me buy a 'new' used car. it's the first newer car that i have gotten and another one that i really like. i love all the compartments and cup holders for everyone. i love how it fits 8 including me and still have some room in the trunk. and that i have a not so much like a 'soccer' mom car.

And thanks again D

Purpose in life...

Do you ever wonder what your purpose is in life? I know things that I want to accomplish in life.. But more on a personal level. For instance something I have always wanted to do is make a difference in everyone's life that I have come across. Of course in a positive way. Or even if I don't really talk to them as much or anymore.. I hope that if they are doing something that reminds them of me that it brings a smile to their face. Or changed a negative thought into a positive one.

but what is the real purpose/mission that i am supposed to do? the only thing i have come up with is being a better person and just getting to as close as i can to perfect before i pass away. i know i will never be perfect or else i wouldn't really try. but i can strive for that right?

especially now that i am a mother i want to bring M up as well as i can. and i know the first place that i need to start. i am not a patient person when i want something i want it now. so when someone asks me what do i want? i usually say i don't know.. or i sacrifice little things for me so that i can buy something for M. but anyways i want to work on making my relationship with D better. i can be short tempered with him for the most part. because i feel the closest to him and that since we've known and been together for so long he should know what i like and don't like right? well wrong - i should be more respectful to him because he is my life partner. and know that i can be fickle sometimes and like it one way and then decide there is a better way and forget to tell him.. so he'll do the 'old' way. which can change from yesterday to today. he is one of the most important people in my life and i want M to know that his mommy and daddy are completely in love with each other. and this is the way it should be. not parents that argue over pity things. so that is what i will work on to strive to be a better person..

but still what is my purpose in life? i know what i want to do for others but what do i want out of life? am i just one of those women who just do what they think they should do? i want to be an example not a follower. i know i don't have a glamorous job or get paid a lot of money. so should i find one? should i go to college and get a degree because i never even finished junior college? is it even right for me to think about myself since i have a baby and husband?

Total opposites...

How do you deal with a difference in personality? I was raised to be on time or earlier than the appointed time to meet. And when you have an event coming up plan for it. Well how do you deal with people that are so totally opposite??? I have been trying to figure out a way to do this since my husband and I got married. You wouldn't think it would be such an annoying character until you really have to deal with it. For instance, my family celebrates EVERY holiday or just about anything to have a reason to get together. His family just recently in the past 3-4 years decided to celebrate xmas, mothers, fathers and thanksgiving.. So it makes life a little hard especially since i come from divorced parents. So we now have to do lunch, dinner and whatever we make it to. Well those are just something I am sure we'll figure out which I am hoping will be the 'eve' of everything. But for birthdays these days are always the same the date never changes just maybe the day. My IL's like to plan things the totally last minute.. And when something gets planned early (mind you this means 2 days before) they usually change. Well I am guessing that they still don't get that I usually have plans for the weekend weeks or months before.. so if we are lucky they will call the day before.. but normally my SIL will call my hubby and say hey we are getting together for mom's birthday. Which is nice and we are like okay. When? For lunch today.. Which means an hour or two from when they are calling. I don't think they realize that we live in Sunnyvale and have to drive to eitehr san francisco or oakland. but before that usually have to drop off the dog and all three of us have to get ready and straighten up before we leave the house. so we are talking at least 2 hours of getting ready and making sure that M doesn't need to be fed and getting his diaper bag ready. And they are rarely on time. But when we decide oh it's okay to be late they are all waiting for us. WTF?!?!@?!?!?!

So my question of the day is HOW DO YOU DEAL WITH LATE PLANNERS??? This is a constant battle between my husband and I. And I have tried inquiring ahead of time and seeing what they are going to do but no one ever knows the answer. Or assume that we'll hold the event at our place.. ummm no thanks.. my nephew and neice are out of control and i rather not have them over thanks very much. and we have my other families to see/visit.

So what should I do but I guess be prepared.. Since it was Chinese New Year I blocked off Saturday and Sunday thinking that maybe we'll be seeing them. But I don't look forward to seeing them or getting together all that much. When we are there it's better. And thank god i get along with them but i still have this thing because they plan so late.

V-Day..

I dread this day.. But now that I have a family I am going to make the most of it... :-D This year I didn't make anymone a card except for D. But I made magnets with a picture of Belle and the boss to give to my family. And a little something for the kids.

I want to teach the Boss that this day isn't just for lovers but for family too. A way to show each other that we love each other. Although we should be that way to each other everyday.. It's hard when you are going through the motions of each day.

New year already..

Okay so i am really bad I haven't posted anything over here since October last year. So I will work on that. Since it's the new year I feel that I should have some in sight and write about something that's meaningful. But since I didn't really sleep well i am just going to write about random items..

First, goals for this year:

- Exercise 3 times a week.. (which i haven't been good at since i got the stomach flu)
- Try and see friends when i can
- Do more family outtings since M is getting bigger
- Try to be more positive

So far it's been a great year.. My two really good friends (who are basically my sisters) are getting married this year. I am so happy for them because they deserve to have their special days. They have done so much for me and I am glad that I can give back. I just hope it's at least 1/2 of what they did for me. M is getting bigger and such a sponge. Just soaking up everything and everyone.

Bittersweet end..

Unfortunately we were not able to sell our condo.. :-( So we are going to be taking it off the market. And over the weekend bring back all our stuff out of storage and mom's place. It's sad that we had it on the market since June... And not even one offer. But it's okay because honestly it's a nice condo there's nothing wrong with it. I guess it just wasn't our time to sell. It wasn't meant for us to move into the townhouse right now.. Although the townhouse would have been a sweet place and oh so nice. But what can you do?

But now I can decorate our condo and get ready for xmas!! This will be our little one's first xmas so i want to do it right. I already know where I am going to put our 'christmas' (fake) tree. And going to use our last years decoration and some that i have at mom's from buying the day after last year... So some new ones also. I can't wait to hang all of our stockings.. And we have some xmas presents already so i can wrap those too!! hehehehe

Holiday season..

I can't believe that it is almost Thanksgiving, Christmas and new years. I really enjoy this time of year because families get together and you remember the things you are thankful for. Not that we shouldn't appreciate all that we have on a daily basis but sometimes that gets lost. We live busy lives and feel that we must be on the go. I can't wait to decorate the house with all the christmas decorations. this will be my little baby's first christmas.. And I know that he won't really remember anything that we are going to do but I feel that if we start now and get into the spirit of the holidays that we'll do this every year like it's our first.

And I plan to volunteer again once M is old enough to come with us.. I feel that it's important to give back to the community. So until then we will just have to donate presents to the little children that are less fortunate.

Thinking of others...

So why is it that there are so many people out there that don't think of others? one example of what i am talking about is.. just the other night i went to dinner with some friends to this indian restuarant. we were celebrating our friends' engagement. and even my L mentioned that there isn't a lot of food should we order more. and noticed that by the time that i got the sea bass there was only this tiny piece left with a whole bunch of juice/sauce.. keep in mind that my hubby still hasn't got any. so i said that since he has chicken to eat i will take this.. but he gave a look.. so L gave me some of her's to eat.. and i just gave him the fish and was about to ask if he wanted more and he just wasn't happy with me. and said look over at M's plate (which is L's boyfriend).. so i take a peak and notice that he has a mountain full.. and hubby's is not even have full.. so why is it that while knowing that the amount of each dish isn't a lot that some people take more then their share? is it because they think they won't get enough so they want to take more? not thinking that the unspoken rule of take a little and let everyone get a piece. once that dish goes around you can take seconds.

Having a baby changes everything...

Having a baby changed my life for the good. It's been a challenge getting used to being a mother. I must say that during this life changing time. I am very lucky to have my husband home with me. He has been a big help with the baby. He helps the most during the night. He has been really good about making sure that I am getting enough sleep. Having M in our lives is something so new and exciting. But also very tiring - we take turns changing diapers and rocking him to sleep. When I am holding him I can just stare at him and think I can't believe that we made this cute bundle of joy. Or that he is actually in our lives. But now our lives revolve around him. We plan our days around him. We say that we can go out right after I nurse him.. And we have 3 hours until we have to go back home. I never thought I would be like this but I am. I am sure that after awhile it will get easier.

I am also very lucky to have friends that are willing to come and visit me. S has been really great and visited me a couple of times. I am glad that she has taken the time to call me and ask if she can come over. I lose track of time and when M is sleeping so am I. Or I am on the computer catching up on emails, im, or cleaning the house. And in between that getting a shower in. So I haven't been a very good friend on calling people or asking people to come over. I just hope that they understand and keep calling me.

Nesting...

So I have been told that 'most' every pregnant women go through this nesting phase. so i am 37 almost 38 weeks and i have yet to feel this nesting. i feel that this does not exisit with me. i don't think that this makes me a terrible mom. but wonder why i am not going through it. why don't i have the urge to clean the house? why can't i get enough energy to clean the house? i just get so sleepy after cleaning one room if i even get this far.

engagement, marriage, and baby on the way...

I am very happy with my personal life and happy at where hubby and i are. we got married, bought a condo, and he bought me a doggie for my birthday 2 years ago.. which by the way is the BEST present I could ever ask for. and now a baby on the way... :-D all within 3 years of our marriage.

the only sad part is that it's hard going through this life changing time without another preggo friend. i know people who have had their babies but it would be so nice to go through this with someone. i sometimes feel alone. i don't have anyone to talk to about what they are experiencing or someone to tell me 'get ready for this next month'. my friends are great though - they are always asking me how i am feeling and interested to hear about what i am going through and what not. they are great support systems. i gave it to L, S, and B... i just hope i am not driving them crazy. and M tells me her experiences while she was preggo but she seemed to have such a fantastic one that i can only imagine... thank god for co-workers since i see them so much giving me advice and telling me about what they went through. so i guess in a way as i am writing this i realize i am blessed with friends and co-workers... at least i have that. and how can i forget about my LJ girls... they are the best and even if i haven't met them they give me great advice...

3rd Trimester... what a roller coaster

That picture of my baby is exactly how i have been feeling lately. i can't believe how slow i walk now and sleepy i get. bathroom use is pretty much the same.. i have always had an issue. ;-P but all in all i am enjoying being pregnant. everyone is so helpful and wanting to do things for me. i figure i better take advantage of this since i can. :-D

I now have only 7 weeks until I get to meet this little 'mini guy' (as my friend refers to him). i can't wait. but also very nervous and scared. this little guy will be relying on me for everything! i just hope that i am a good of a mother as some that i know.