Goodbye friend

since i am no longer talking to a friend i just feel the need to write to her.. but can't so here goes.

goodbye L - it was great while we were in tune with each other.. and i loved how we were always there for one another. and that we didn't need to say much to know how each other felt. i loved how we LOVED the same foods so when we'd go out it was so easy and we'd share food to get twice as much. ;-P or i knew i could order that mussel/clam pasta because you wouldn't let the stuff i didn't like go to waste. i loved spending endless hours on your couch watching tv and our breaks to either go to the bathroom (me down stairs and you in your bathroom) or to cook lunch/dinner... but knew when to fast forward the whatever parts so that we could get to the good stuff. :-D i loved that it was just easy with you. i loved how we could talk about anything!! you know what i mean - anything and EVERYTHING.. i loved how we used to drive to sb and my wedding/birthday present at the spa place that you researched and found for us. and knew it was exactly what i needed while planning my wedding.

i am sorry that our friendship fell apart over a boy. i am sorry that i realized things about you i never saw or choose to over look because you in my eyes were my sister. i forgave you a lot for little effort on your side to show that you were sorry. meanwhile S would try so hard but i just pushed that aside for you. i am sorry that you were trying to pretend things were okay with us this past year when they were only getting worse. i am sorry that you felt you could put little effort in our friendship when i tried EVERYTHING to mend for the past two years. even to the point of trying to work it out with your husband on my own because i felt nothing was getting to him.

but most importantly i am sad that we have come to where we are today. that i can care less that you are in my life. your little to no efforts just shows what kind of person you are. for me when someone says that things are not right between us and if i want to continue to be friends with them as you said.. i would fight for the friendship. i would call even if it's uncomfortable to see how the person is doing... i would call to get together for coffee.. i would try to celebrate your birthday with you. even if i wasn't here and back from vacation a month after. i would send emails to you to let you know i was thinking of you.. i would text you more. but you aren't me and by you not fighting just shows where we are. and that you are not a person to prove yourself further than words.. it's just all words coming out of your A$$... you have no actions to back up what you say. and of all people i would have expected more when you were the 'talk is talk - actions speak louder than words' person.

i will miss you once in awhile.. i will be watching something and want to call you but won't. i will eat something and most likely think of you. i won't lie and say that there will be some days that i do and will miss you. but we aren't teenagers anymore and definitely out of high school where i don't need drama. so for now goodbye. it was great while it was good. and i am just sorry that we have come to where we are. but you made your bed and you must lie in it. hope it was all worth it for you and that you got all that you wanted. because L i sure never wished this on us. and would never thought we'd be where we are today.

i just hope one day you'll see it through my eyes and know how much you've hurt me. and say sorry for the way things turned out.. and instead of you thinking can i forgive you and let go of the whole Michael thing.. that you'll say i am sorry how do you feel now after all that and sorry for not thinking of you when that all went down.

so goodbye L... too little too LATE.