Bed battles....

Ever since we've M into his big boy bed he has never slept in past 6:30am... more like in our room between 1-6am.. and always up between 5-6am. Now lately we have been having a battle on going to sleep. It takes him over an hour to fall asleep.. But he still wakes up the same time. What should a mommy do? I have tried putting him to bed earlier and even later but that doesn't work..

I think I will have to resort to giving him rewards for staying in his bed and staying there to fall asleep....

sorry and goodbye....

i guess i am not a great friend.. for the 3rd time now i have a friend that just stopped talking to me. i have no idea what i did to hurt her feelings. but whatever i did i am sorry and wish you the best. you are a great person deep down but not so great of a friend that if i hurt you - you couldn't come to me first. i don't need your friendship if i always have to worry about what i say or do or don't do... and wonder if i won't hear from you. when you were talking to me things were great. you are very intelligent, giving, caring and loving.

i have been working on coming to terms with the loss of this friend. i actually don't want this kind of friendship in my life. i just sometimes wish i knew what i did so that i don't do it again... but then again maybe i don't want to know because it maybe over something so little that if you told me a quick conversation clear up would make us all good...

goodbye friend and best wishes with your life and everything you do.

The holidays...

i love this time of year!! i have already decorated our house for xmas and now just waiting for help on getting our 'tree' out so we can decorate that... this way i can start wrapping presents for the people that i bought for and just leave under the tree. I pretty much finished my christmas shopping just a few here and there but those can be for later. i am almost done with my holiday cards just need to add a couple things and then i can mail out. :-D

R-E-S-P-E-C-T other ways of parenting...

I know I am not perfect by any means.. I do not claim to know it all but to D I act like it. But it's hard to just sit there and listen to what a friend feeds their child. Or see what they let their kids get away with.. Or what about the fact that they let their child chew on a pacifier that just fell on the ground.

So what I am practicing is that their parenting style is different than my own. And I need to respect that. If they want to do it then they can. Also, breathing helps too and just not looking at them while it's all happening helps too. ;-P

Review time..

why is it when it's review time that things seem to go wrong???? why can't work life go smoothly? i am terrified that how i have been the last two weeks will discourage me from being an 'excellent'.. ;-P

going to my happy place - NOW! must stay positive

I change my mind..

i don't think i can forgive L if what I had put on my blog is true. i honestly don't feel that she has learned or feels bad for her actions.

i am going to have to think of other reasons as to how to forgive L.

S and her strength to forgive

i have decided that if S can truly forgive L then I need to work on it. She was just as mad as I was. Although it was nice to hear that maybe I am not so easily to forgive because L really treated me bad. And could possibly be why I feel the way I do.

where do I start? how do you forgive someone and just let it all go? i feel that if i forgive her once again she has the upper hand and is the winner in the end. but trust me if i forgive her it will be in a way of me doing it for me and still having no contact with her. is it possible and right to forgive but not forget? is that okay or going against the whole point of forgiving? when i think of her i get so angry, hurt, mad and sad all at the same time. i am angry because i honestly lost what i felt was a good friend/sister to me... hurt and sad because i have let go so many years of friendship. and that she could just let our friendship go like that without a fight. i thought that i meant more to her. angry all of the above....

I have looked up 'forgiving a friend' on the internet and found somethings that i'd like to remember and reflect on... and also keep as a reminder

Forgive your brothers and sisters and you will set yourself free. You will set yourself free from all that you thought they did to you. They need not ask for forgiveness to be forgiven. They might even believe that there is nothing for which they need to be forgiven. That is fine. Do not concern yourself with how they choose to experience reality, for it has no effect on you, unless you allow it to. For something or someone to affect you, you must first allow it to affect you.

You can also choose not to forgive your brother. But what good has such behavior ever brought to your life? You might be trying to consciously or unconsciously punish a brother by not forgiving him. But who are you really punishing? Who carries that judgment with him wherever he goes? My friend, you might not consciously recognize that you are carrying this judgment, but it does simmer below the surface, coloring everything and everyone with whom you interact. Little by little, these judgments add up and weigh you down. You may be quick to anger, feel tired or stressed, and not understand why. Comments to other brothers and sisters may become nasty and your patience may fade. All this is due to your attempt to punish your brother by not forgiving him. My friend, again I ask you, who are you really punishing?


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What is forgiving and forgetting in a relationship?
Negative consequences of the absences of forgiving and forgetting
Signs of the absence of forgiving and forgetting
Steps to develop forgiving and forgetting in a relationship

What is forgiving and forgetting in a relationship?

1. Forgiving is allowing another person to be human for faults, mistakes or misdeeds. Forgetting is putting these behind you; they are no longer brought up and no longer remain a barrier to your relationship.

2. Forgiving is letting another know that there is no grudge, hard feelings or animosity for any wrongdoing. Forgetting is the lack of further discussion, with no ongoing negative references to the event.

3. Forgiving is letting the other person know that you accept as genuine the remorse and sorrow for actions or words that hurt or disappointed you. Forgetting is promising that this deed, whether of omission or commission, will not be brought up again.

4. Forgiving is accepting the sincerity of penance, sorrow and regret expressed over a grievous personal offense; making it sufficient to clear the air. Forgetting is your commitment to let go of anger, hurt and pain over this offense.

5. Forgiving is giving a sign that a person's explanation or acceptance of blame for a destructive, hurtful or painful act is fully accepted. Forgetting is the development of a plan of action between the two of you to heal the scars resulting from the behavior.

6. Forgiving is the highest form of human behavior that can be shown to another person. It means being vulnerable to being hurt or offended in the future, yet setting aside this in order to reopen and heal the channels of communication. Forgetting is is also a noble human behavior; it is letting go of the need to seek revenge for past offenses.

7. Forgiving is the act of love between you and a person who has hurt you; the bandage that holds the wound together long enough to heal. Forgetting is also an act of love; in rehabilitation therapy, helping the wounded return to a full and functional life.

8. Forgiving is the God-like gift of spiritually connecting with others, touching their hearts to calm the fear of rejection, quiet the sense of failure and lighten the burden of guilt. Forgetting is the God-like gift of spiritually touching others' hearts with the reassurance of a happy and full life with no fear of recrimination.

9. Forgiving is the act of letting go of temporary ill will, disappointment or the disgust that arises from the break in your relationship. Forgetting is bridging this gap in the relationship, eventually strengthening it against such a break in the future.

10. Forgiving is an act of compassion, humanity and gentleness by which you let another know that he is indeed a child of the universe upon whom a variety of graces and blessings have been showered and that current or past offenses need not be a barrier to goodness. Forgetting is the act of encouragement, support and reinforcement by which you assist the other person to rebuild, reconnect and re-establish a loving, caring, healthy relationship with you and the world.

Negative consequences of the absences of forgiving and forgetting

In the absence of forgiving and forgetting, the partners in a relationship run the risk of:

* Continuously being hurt with pain and suffering going unresolved.
* Unresolved guilt and remorse for offenses committed.
* Chronically seeking revenge and paybacks from one another.
* Being caught up in unresolved anger, animosity and bitterness.
* Defensive, self-protective and distant behavior.
* Blaming, negative and non-growth oriented behavior.
* Being stuck in a battlefield stockpiled for future offensive attacks.
* Being lost in a festering wound that never realizes the revitalization of healing.
* Secretive and non-communicative behavior.
* Fear over making a mistake or of having the mistake revealed.
* Being overwhelmed by fear of failure, fear of rejection, fear of non-approval, low self-esteem, fear of conflict.
* High stress.

Signs of the absence of forgiving and forgetting.

Lack of forgiving and forgetting in a relationship can result in:

* Irreconcilable differences between people.
* Indifference toward one another.
* An emotional vacuum in which little or no emotions are shown or shared.
* Chronic attacks or angry outbursts.
* Addressing or interacting with one another disrespectfully.
* One-upmanship: competition as to who can out do whom in terms of eliciting sympathy, compassion or understanding from outsiders.
* Seeking revenge from one another.
* Pitting the parties in the relationship against one another through coalitions and taking sides.
* Chronic recalling and reminding of past hurts and offenses.
* Suspicions about the others' motives, behavior, attitudes or beliefs.
* Chronic depression.
* Chronic hostility.
* Name calling, belittling and demeaning one another.
* Responding to present behavior as if they were past behavior.
* Unwillingness to change and/or unwillingness to seek the help necessary to change.
Beliefs shared by people who refuse to forgive or forget
* I was hurt so much; how could you ever expect me to forgive and forget that?
* I never deserved the treatment I received, and I do not believe that forgiving and forgetting is deserved in this situation.
* I am sick because of that treatment; how can I ever forgive or forget that?
* There are people who are inherently evil, and they are despicable. No forgiving or forgetting will ever change that.
* People are vicious and cruel, and you always need to protect yourself because of that; so why try to forgive and forget what they have done?
* It is a sign of weakness to forgive and forget.
* It is just "giving in" to the others' power and control to forgive and forget.
* There are some things you can never forgive and forget.
* I never forgive; I just get even.
* Revenge is the best way to heal wounds.
* Don't cross me and I won't cross you; but if you do cross me, watch out!
* Only God can forgive and forget, though at times I don't believe He does either.
* I have done nothing for which I need to be forgiven.
* It is easy to say "I'm sorry." You can never trust anyone who says "I'm sorry."
* You are just seeking my forgiveness so that you can come back and hurt me again.
* You do not deserve any kindness, compassion or forgiveness for what you have done to me; I'll see to it that you are never able to forget it!
* All people who do wrong deserve the worst life has to dish out.
* I resent everyone who has hurt me, and I believe that this makes me a stronger person so that I will not be hurt again.
* Anyone who could treat another person that way is undeserving of being forgiven, loved or cared for.
In order to forgive and forget, you need to practice:
* Letting go of past hurt and pain.
* Trusting in the goodness of mankind.
* Letting go of fears for the future.
* Allowing yourself to be vulnerable to growth.
* Taking a risk.
* Letting go of hostility and resentment.
* Working out your anger.
* Reducing competition.
* Overlooking slight relapses or steps backward.
* Developing a personal spirituality.
* Developing an openness to the belief that people can change.
* Developing trust in others.
* Facing conflict head-on, resolving it on the spot.
* Open, honest and assertive communication with others concerning hurts, pains and offenses experienced.
* Seeking professional help when necessary to resolve the distance and coldness in a relationship.
* Recognizing your part or role in setting up hurtful experiences.
* Identifying and replacing the irrational beliefs that block your ability to forgive and forget.

Steps to develop forgiving and forgetting in a relationship.

Step 1: In order to increase your ability to forgive and forget, you need to recognize what this behavior involves. Answer the following questions in your journal:

a. What do you mean by "forgiving and forgetting in a relationship?"
b. Have you ever been forgiven in a relationship? How did it feel?
c. Has anyone ever brought up something from the past to remind you how you hurt a person? How did that make you feel?
d. What role do you feel forgiving and forgetting has in your relationships? How could you improve?
e. How has the absence of forgiving and forgetting affected your current relationships?
f. What are the signs of the absence of forgiving and forgetting in your relationship with your family of origin, current family, significant others, spouse, children, parents, relatives, friends and co-workers?
g. What beliefs block your ability to forgive and forget? What would be necessary to change these beliefs?
h. What new behavior do you need to develop in order to increase your ability to forgive and forget?
i. What role does the existence of spirituality play in your ability to forgive and forget? The lack of it?
j. Who do you need to forgive? What do you need to forget?

Step 2: Now that you have a better picture of what is involved in forgiving and forgetting, you are ready to extinguish blaming behavior.

Letting Go of Blaming

It is easy to point the finger of blame at others for the pain you have suffered. This activity is intended to get you to point the finger of responsibility at yourself, to be better able to forgive and forget when you feel hurt by another's behavior. Answer the following questions in your journal:

(1) List an incident for which you are unable to forgive a person(s) and therefore are unable to forget.
(2) How much energy, creativity, problem solving capability and focus on growth is sapped from you whenever you recall this hurt?
(3) What feelings come to your mind and body as you recall this hurt?
(4) How would you describe your role in this event? In what ways were you the victim, perpetrator, enabler, martyr, bystander, instigator, target, scapegoat, distracter, peacemaker, people pleaser or rescuer?
(5) Why do you feel strongly over what happened and how you were treated?
(6) What did this event or happening do to your self-esteem?
(7) How dependent on others were you (or are you) to help you feel good about yourself? How positively self-affirming were or are you? Why do you need this person's affirmation to make you feel good about yourself? What beliefs about yourself were threatened by what happened to you? Reinforced?
(8) How willing are you to declare yourself independent of the need for others to reinforce you and make you feel good about yourself? What blocks you from declaring this independence? What fears do you have of letting go of the need for others to make you feel good about yourself? How does this relate to your inability to forgive or forget in the incident listed in Step 2(1)?
(9) What value is there in blaming the person(s) listed in Step 2(1) for the hurt and pain experienced? How responsible are you for the feelings of hurt and pain? How do these feelings relate to your dependence on others to make you feel good about yourself? How do you control your feelings of pain and hurt? What would change in your feelings about this past incident if you accepted the responsibility for your own feelings and perceptions? How do your irrational beliefs interfere in your ability to resist blaming others for pain and hurt you experience?
(10) Look back at the past incident and the person(s) involved; reframe your thinking and feelings about it:
* Who was responsible for my reaction to the incident?
* Who was responsible for my feelings about the incident?
* Who was responsible for my inability to forgive the person(s) involved?
* Who is responsible for my inability to forget this incident?
* How can I forgive the person(s) involved?
* How can I put this incident behind me?
* How can I forgive myself for being dependent on others for feelings of being worthwhile and good?
* How can I avoid being so hurt when something like this happens again?
* What do I gain by blaming others for my feelings?
* What can I do when I feel hurt and pain? Where does the finger of responsibility need to be pointed?

Step 3: Once you have learned how to let go of blaming in that one incident, repeat Step 2 addressing all the past or present incidents of hurt in which you need to forgive the people and forget the incidents (see Step 1j).

When you have exhausted your list of people you need to forgive and events you need to forget, you will be on the road to forgiving and forgetting in relationships. If you have problems in the future, return to Step 1 and begin again

what's a mom to do?

after getting my coffee for the morning i am ready for whatever the day brings..

i am thinking that maybe i should start waking up even earlier so that i can hurry and get ready and then eat my bfast with M while he drinks his milk. i love the kid so much but really tired of trying to get him to finish faster than an hour.. the question of the day is how do i get my little man to eat and drink faster. do i use the reward system??? do i bribe? what should a mom do in this situation???

M's second playdate!!

well we have been on two playdates for M... Yes bad mommy has only done two scheduled playdates for M... I am not a big mommy group kind of lady. i enjoy my time with the boss.. we also spend a lot of time with family.. i have about 8 nephews and nieces.. so i don't feel a big need to have him go on playdates. let alone sign him up for 'classes'. plus he goes to daycare full time so where is there a need. i am very lucky that his current daycare is like a preschool and doesn't really have tv on. I think i have only witnessed him watching tv once this who time he's been there. they are usually playing outside, playing with the toys inside, reading books or dancing around to the music that they have on. so i just feel that when it's the weekends it's his time with mommy and daddy.

anyways, he had a blast at B, S and K's place!! he totally enjoyed playing in their backyard with all the fun toys that they had.. let alone S letting out the bunnies for him to terrorize.. ;-P with this being our second i guess it would be nice to have more of these playdates for him.. but also nice hanging out with the parents while they play. or while M played with K's toys.

so all in all i think my mind has changed about scheduling playdates.

Routines...

M and I are finally starting to 'somewhat' get back into routines... For bedtime we are working on it because he is going through a 'scary' and lonely phase. But with time and new tricks i am getting closer to making him feel better about bedtime. I have to leave the 'big' light on it makes him feel 'safer'.. ;-P

Now if only he'd sleep until 7am again on the weekends.

to let go...

how do you let go of something in your past? i experienced something that i would never wish on anyone as a teenager. i thought i got over it and when i confronted the person and got a reaction i thought i wouldn't get. i thought he'd feel so bad and sorry for his actions. but the totally opposite was his reaction. so now i realize that i am still not fully over that part of my life.

one of my friends that i talked to said that i can't let it bring me down. and she wouldn't let me do it. i am a good person she said.

i have always felt that you get what you put out. so is she right? or am i being punished for what i have done or said to someone? i know i am a harsh person and brutally honest when sometimes i should bite my tongue.

so how do i mentally get over this? how do i lay this to rest and just move on? am i really a good person? or do i deserve this?

i honestly haven't had much time to think or lay this to rest but i need to in order to be a better person. but HOW????!?!?!?!?

Love keeps on growing

I had so much fun with M yesterday... It's so rare that we hang out alone. I guess that's my fault but I should do this more often. We had a lot of fun at mom's last night. We did an 'arts and craps' (as my son calls it) project. I didn't want to do the usually color or paint. so first i had M and I go on an adventure to find stuff outside that we'd paste/glue onto paper... So we searched for some leaves, rocks, branches and leaves on branches. I love seeing how he gets so excited about doing projects. Especially because I let him cut the double sided tape on his own. :-D and we did other things but for the most part our day with just playing.. and mommy needed a couple naps because my head hurt.

Disneyland and 'Breathing'....

We just went to LA for the weekend... And made sure we visited Disneyland with my entire family... So we are a group of about 13-14 people with ages ranging from 11 months - 58 years old. This is by far the funniest time I have had.. I think it's because M is 3 years old and can really enjoy his time there. And the weather was perfect! Not too hot (unless you are out in the sun for a long amount of time) with a nice breeze. Just watching how excited he'd get over each ride and the anticipation for the wait to get on..

M amazes me and makes 'breathe'! meaning that i take life in and look at everything. he had a lot of questions and i just realized that i am always in a rush.. rush to get out of the house to get through the day and so on. it's so hard to just enjoy the moment. but he reminds me to do this everyday of our lives together. i shouldn't take advantage that i am able to walk, talk or see.

so today i will take the day in.. or at least moments of the day. :-D rome wasn't built in a day right?

Please ASK me.. Don't assume..

I hate it when people just assume that i will just 'go with the flow' and do whatever they want. i am my own person and have thoughts.

i feel that the admins that i work with we aren't a team... and our team leader isn't a leader or protector. it makes me sad that it's a dog eat dog place..

Hello Sunshine

This week by far has been the best weather! The sun is shining with a little breeze to keep me cool. I love it when the sun is out but if you were to stand in the shade it's cool. I hope that Thursday is nice because I would love to go swimming with M when we get home. Thursdays - Saturdays are days that I normally do not have to worry about cooking. So I can enjoy my time with M. We can play, explore or just hang out.

To forgive...

I just read an article that it is healthy for you to forgive a person that has hurt you. Now by this you don't have to have this/these people back in your life but just forgive them.

WHAT??? is my reaction how do you forgive someone if you don't feel like they understand or truly feel sorry for making you feel the way they did. How do you forgive them? Where do I start to forgive???

Obviously I am referring to L. If this is true then I really need to find a way to forgive her. another thing to work on and one that i will need to get back to because i have no idea where to start.

the O's...

Why can't we pick our parents and extended family??? I am constantly getting annoyed by my father and his side of the family. I understand that he feels sad/depressed that his children don't visit but it's so hard to when you make one of us feel left out.

I am throwing my son his 3rd birthday party and I really didn't want to but he asked if I was. And so i decided since we are taking him to disneyland for his bday that I will keep it small. Just invite my father, step-mom, obachan (grandmother), uncle, aunt and two cousins.. and of course my sister her family and bro and his. But my little man invited my mom so I then invited my other grandparents, uncle and step grandmother. Now keep in mind that I did this whole thing so that M can celebrate with my grandpa and his side of the family. And that this party was only for two hours from 2:00-4:00pm. And my obachan said that she would go if my uncle goes when i called to make sure she was free. over a month ago I sent a 'save the date' evite and my two cousins said that they could not make it. my step mother said that she and dad were 'free for now'. and I sent invitations out last week and my aunt finally replied but to my 'save the date' evite instead of calling or emailing me like my invitations said to do. Do you see where I am going with this? I don't understand that side of the family.. it's just sad that they will never know mason. they won't know that he is such a great child. how affectionate he is or how smart he can be. or that he is constantly wanting to make me laugh.

Okay so i promised myself that i will be more positive so let's see how do i spin this to be more positive?????

well he will have a party and yeah we'll see the same people the next week and celebrate all May Bdays.. but that's okay i am giving his own special time to celebrate him turning 3. which you only turn 3 once. ;-P he'll see how much he is loved by family that can make time for him. And if it's nice we'll turn it to a swimming party.

Workout blahs..

how the heck do people do it everyday let alone more than 5 times a week.. let alone how do you make the time to work out. i am struggling to stick to my at least three times a week.. but the only time that i have is during my lunch time. because before work i need to get myself and mason ready for work and daycare. i barely have time to get myself ready - i am sure my co-workers think WTF is wrong with our admin? she doesn't dress to impress and i really want to dress cute and style my hair.. let alone have the time to put make up on. but where do i start??? therefore why i made the decision to work out at least three times a week. i am hoping by working out that i get back into shape. i know i also need to eat better which i am trying. so far what seems to work is after putting mason to bed.. clean the house or stay and hang out in my room. this way i am not near the kitchen and won't think about what snacks to eat. and i want to see friends for lunch to stay connected. so i owe it to myself to get back into shape.

after writing this post it is reminding me why i need to stick to working out as little as i have promised.

Tales of Potty training and fighting...

It has been an uphill battle to potty train this kid. M is so much like D and myself... So with M like me I need to make him feel it's his decision and choice to go to the bathroom. Not me telling him to do it. in the beginning around 17 months he wanted to use the potty and was happy with just a dance or clapping. So we decided to just put him in pull ups during the day and night time use diapers.. Now he is almost at 34 months... When we started the new daycare at 32 months we went to UNDERWEAR!! I was so nervous and never thought that my son would have more than me.. but we needed spares and ones that we didn't care if we threw out.. so after countless wet and soiled underwear/pants cleaning he is getting it.. (crossing fingers)

He is now telling us that he needs to go and we only tell him to go when we go out or before eating a meal. Now we need to train him to go on his own but I have learned these important items with my son:

1. DO NOT pressure him.
2. Do not punish him for making a mistake. Just say it's okay accidents happen. Let's clean up and maybe next time you'll make it to the bathroom.
3. Do a happy potty dance for when he goes and when he is still dry in his underwear.
4. End of day rewards.. Weather it be frozen yogurt, ice cream or just a dinner with the two of us.. Just to show how proud i am of him.
5. Every other day or so take him to toys r us and let him pick his prize.

He is a smart baby and catches on.... He knows how to work his mommy and daddy.

Fighting:
D and I need to work on not arguing so much in front of M. I see that it affects him more than anything. I feel so bad because he woke up so many times last night. Now if only I can get D to be on board that I am ALWAYS right train.. ;-P In all serious-ness I will work on not being so hard on D. He does do a lot for our family.

Daddy's Boy

You hear when you have a son that he'll be a mommy's boy. Well not with the Lams. M is a Daddy's Boy. Which it hurts sometimes but I have learned to take advantage of that. So when he wants daddy I will either read, watch a recorded show or just take a bath. I won't lie and say that it doesn't hurt when he screams 'I don't like you!', 'I want daddy not you', or 'go away'... But I know it doesn't mean he loves me less or doesn't ever want to be with me. Daddy usually is the FIRST one to run into his room when he wakes up crying or if he falls daddy is the one right there.. and I am more the type of parent that says are you okay? and if i see no blood i don't baby him. Although if he needs to cuddle, hug or just want me by him - i will. But I want to try and make him independent and not rely on me to always make things better. that in life you need to learn that when you want something 'you' need to make it happen. not feel it's owed to you or that someone else will do it.

Now lately since D went on vacation there will be times that he actually wants me over D. It's nice to know that I am wanted but I do know that bond M and D share is still there. Which I am grateful for. It's important to me that they have time for themselves and share their special time together. Also, if we plan to ever have a second baby it will make our lives easier by trading kids off and not having both children wanting the same person.

Hello I am 30 something not 16..

where do i start??? i just semi-caught up with a friend and mark her up as still being in high school. she even admitted that she liked the high school drama and so on. my question is why???? i am 30-something and happily married (for the most part) with a baby and dog. I enjoy my time watching tv, playing with my son and/or my dog, and so on.

i was talking to her and she mentioned another mutual friend that she really hasn't talked to in awhile because she felt like the friendship was one sided. that she would listen to JJ's problems and whatever was going on with her. But then when C would talk about hers JJ would say i have to go. So I mentioned that i can understand because i just lost a friend for something similar. i don't need to deal with that 'high school' drama. she made a comment back to me that she liked high school drama and felt like a 16 year old. so as we talk some more all i could think about is... C hasn't changed really and do i want this in my life? i don't need anymore friends than i already have. the ones that i have mean the world to me and when i talk or spend time with you it's because i want to. i am taking time away from spending with my son to hang out with you. is she worth that? and the other thing in my head is that why would anyone want to re-live high school??? not that i regret anything but i never want to go through it.

New beginnings.. and my goals for the year

2 things i am grateful for....

1. For A taking the time to hang out and show me all the new things he has done to remodel his home. And for going out to dinner with me.

2. For my mom and sister - i love how they come over every thursdays... it's supposed to be where D and i can either do something together or separate.

I still don't have all my goals figured out:

1. I need to learn to just listen.... I need to learn to listen and not give unwanted advice. i am going to try and just not say anything unless asked what do i think... bite my tongue.

2. Appreciate all that i have and get out of the 'give mes'

3. Try and see friends more..

4. try to work out at least 3 times a week.

5. try to stick to my budget... i need to make a new one with M going to a new daycare and added amount.

6. Try to go on a family trip this year - need to make yearly ones.

7. Be nicer to D - I am so bad. I yell way too much at him when he tries so hard to make me happy.

8. Every night write down two things that i appreciate for the day.

9. Take 10 mins for myself every day..

10. Start reading again - 1 book a year..

11. Keep our home clean and redecorate the place to be what i really want.... But on a budget - need to watch design on a dime more.

12. Learn to just 'be'.... Relax, breathe and take everything in.

13. Get to know myself..... Learn what makes me really happy.

14.

15.

16.

17.

.......

I think that's enough for now.