End of year discoveries...

What a day yesterday was....

First we had to deal with the knowledge that there was a shooter loose very close to where I work. So basically that meant I did not leave my office and had it shut for most of the day. But that just reminded me that each and every life is precious. We shouldn't take life for granted. And that some people do desperate things in their eyes as desperate times. But makes me also think where are this person's family or friends? How did none of them see that he was headed towards this crazy rampage? Do we really know the people in our lives? Should we be paying more attention to the close people in our lives? Is there something that we could do to help each other so that they know there's is the light at the end of the tunnel?

It was such sad news about learning that Steve passed away. I was so sad that we have lost such an inspirational man. One that brought so much into our lives. Someone with a vision and knowledge beyond what i can express. And just knew how to make everyone so excited about whatever he was introducing. He definitely took pride in his work/visions. He was a man of many talents. And he will definitely be missed. I read a couple articles about him but there were two that stuck with me. And they weren't within the last couple of days. But one where a mother wrote about her encounter of him. She had met him at a block party or something. But she was writing about how he remembered her and how he'd go for daily walks with his wife. And he'd smile and/or wave. How he'd talk about his children to her and how she didn't make a great first impression for herself when she met him. It was very touching to read about a side you don't normally hear about him. And the other which everyone has read/seen but his speech at the Stanford graduation. My friend posted his words on her blog awhile ago and it just brought tears to my eyes.. and still does. This is one of many parts of his speech that stuck with me: Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma–which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary. My heart aches for his loved ones that he has left behind. Not that his loss is any less important but we were so lucky to have had him in all of our lives. I didn't know him but I did see him around campus sometimes. But if it weren't for him we wouldn't have all the fun toys that he's given us. So instead of saying rest in peace again but THANK YOU STEVE!! You have made your mark in life and definitely made a difference in my life. And have taught me more than you can know. And one day I too hope that I have left my mark in each and everyone that I have met.

Grandparents day...

my father emailed my brother, sister and i that 9/11 is grandparents day. my first thought is oh here we go again.. dad wanting us to take him out to dinner... but i am trying to think of it differently.. maybe it's his way of reaching out because he isn't the best communicator. so i turned it around and tried to take it in a positive way instead of a negative.

so i sent D an email to see if we can take him, faith and mom out to dinner. i do want M to know his family and hope that with my parents and step mom have learned how their parents were with their own children and what they can do differently. plus k will be born soon and he'll want to know his grandparents too.

but honestly what i thought about was that this is the 10 year anniversary of all the 9/11 victims and their poor families. what their families must have felt and that this is the worst day of their lives. that they not only lost their loved ones but how can the 'higher being' take them away??? what's the lesson that needs to be learned? there were so many victims and heroes. as i watch bits and pieces of documentaries of this day i learn so much more. i can still remember that day so well. and can't imagine how it felt for the ppl that lived there at the time.

Another first..

Today was M's first day in kindergarten.. I have been trying to mentally prepare myself for this. But can a mother really be ready for when their child starts school for the first time?

He did so well.. He wasn't clingy or scared. We got there stood in line and took a couple pictures. I love that his teacher is organized and fun!! she was the only one that had an art easel with print outs for parents to take.. Along with a wishlist of small items that you can donate. So M and I picked a small potted plant. Can't wait to go to pick one out with him. I was doing well until the teacher said okay everyone let's go.. parents you stay here.. and she walked them to their classrooms..

little does he know he's about to embark on a new adventure/journey. he is on his way to the big kid world... where he'll make friends and hopefully boys and girls that are good. my influence will not be as strong because now he has his teachers and friends.. i have been working on trying to build a relationship of open communication. answer his questions as honest and to the point for his age.

I will now join be having to join PTA and chit chatting with other parents.. making more small talk or just trying to find my place too. Volunteering in the classroom and getting to know who his new friends are.

So I am taking this as my new journey too. I need to learn the ropes of your child going to school!!

Never a dull moment...

As a mom of a 5 year old that just started school.. And soon to a new born. I am trying to be more organized at home. I love my to do lists but there aren't enough hours in the day... For example this is a typical day for me:

5:15am - wake up
5:18am - Change into gym clothes or work clothes
5:30am - go downstairs and make myself bfast
6:00am - I should be done eating bfast or close to it.. While catching up on a show that i recorded.
6:10am - Start putting together whatever is left that I need to do for Mason's snack for school and lunch for daycare.
6:20am - make Mason bfast
6:30am - go upstairs and make sure that Mason is awake
6:31am - Put make up on and do hair if i am not going to the gym
6:45am - Make sure Mason changed into his clothes
6:55am - argue with Mason that he needs to brush his teeth and stop watching tv
7:05am - head downstairs to put on shoes and coat..
7:10am - be in car (all this is going to change because he starts school)
7:15am - arrive at daycare
7:25am - get back into car and drive to work
7:55am - Arrived at work and get some urgent items done
8:30am - head to gym (early lunch break) so that i get this done with because i won't later
9:30am - work again
11:00am - eat at desk because i already used my lunch break
5:00pm - leave work and pick up Mason
5:40pm - PIck up Mason from daycare
6:00pm - Start cooking dinner
6:45pm - eat dinner
7:30pm - bath time and get ready for bed
7:45pm - Jump in the shower to take a quick one before i go to bed
8:10pm - Read story time
8:30pm - Song and kiss time
8:35pm - watch one show that i recorded because i need to rest
9:00pm - decide what room i want to attempt to clean
9:45pm - Put together what I can for Mason's lunch
10:15pm - head upstairs and wind down to go to sleep

So I need to figure out how to be more organized...... i am working on finding make up products that are easy and fast... Because once this baby is here i won't want to spend time getting myself ready.. so i found a couple of items i LOVE!!

1. LivingProof - straight!! I have wavy hair to say the least.. So I will take a shower at night and when it's not hot. I will stray this stuff in my hair and blow dry. The next day all i have to do it flat iron my bangs and stray on some shine to the hair and brush.. That's it and let's call it a day. The bottle says to flat iron after you blow dry.. but come on I am trying to keep my hair nice.. I have enough split ends. Oh and when i am blow drying I just use my fingers!!

2. LORAC Oil-Free Wet/Dry Powder Makeup: Now I have been in search of a foundation.. I love that you can use this as a wet or dry or either both.. I when I know I have a 'date' night.. I will wet the sponge and apply the powder. Once I finish I will use a brush to dust the powder on my face to set and a little more coverage. Plus this so far is the only foundation that I have used where I still have my 'eyebrows' on. I have barely any eyebrows.

3. Smashbox Brow Tech To Go: By far the BEST invention!! I don't have to use a brow brush. This is one product that I ALWAYS wear no matter what.

So on the search for my products that make my life easier.

Goal for now...

i have been wondering what i can do to make our home feel more like home. i want to really decorate our place. a home where when friends come over they say now this is a home.

so first thing first... i need to de-clutter. how? i will do one room at a time. i need to give myself one room for one week. since cleaning makes me so tired..

and lastly, once i am done i can really see what i can do to decorate each room. :-D i know i overwhelm myself with with the big picture. so i need to take baby steps. :-D

i will start tonight after dinner.

Friend no more...

I am a little annoyed that a person S and I used to be friends with is still selfish. I understand that her mom still talks with L's parents. But really why would you invite S's parents to your child's baptism when S and I are not speaking to you. L should know that S and her mom's relationship is 'hard' to say the least. But by inviting her parents don't you think this will cause disagreements for them? Don't you get it that you shouldn't be asking them if you don't invite us? It's just hard because I see how it upsets S. I have learned that she doesn't want to hear about L and her attitude changes when L's name is mentioned. So I have learned not to bring her in our conversations. Not that she misses her or regrets not wanting a friendship. But just that she is tired of L and all that comes along.

Before I somewhat was sad that L wasn't in my life a little bit because I haven't met anyone that likes most of my shows or have weekly dinners with. But after this it just reminded me how selfish L is. How she only cares and thinks about herself. And still to this day it makes me sad that she never learned her lessons from losing the close friends that we were. How we felt went in one ear and out the other. And it's even more sad that she was the biggest one to always say actions speak louder than words. Yet she never lived by her actions.

If you could change something would you?

I was talking with my mom the other day and I was telling her that I know I haven't made the best decisions sometimes. But I wouldn't change anything - I went through for anything... I feel that if I changed anything I wouldn't be who I am today. i appreciate my family and friends so much more now that I know they are important to me. I have learned from my mistakes too. I feel bad for some of the decisions that I made but at the time I honestly felt I was making the right now.

For instance, I would have tried harder with one of my friends. We went through so much and we've known each other since middle school that I wish I didn't stop talking to her when we went to college. Due to the way she treated her ex boyfriend at the time. Which was a mutual friend. That was between them not me, him and her. She was someone that was very important to me and sad that I did what I did. But as the saying goes I made my bed so I had to lay in it. Fortunately, we connected later on in life and are friends again. I sometimes want to just hug her and say I am so SORRY!!! Because I know we'll never be close again. But we'll be friends. She is definitely someone I want to try to make the friendship last with. Plus when we hang out (the rare times that we do) it's like no time has past and we are just catching each other up on what's going on. I do hope she knows how much she means to me and how happy i am that she forgave me for being a B&8tch to.

I feel that I haven't been in a relationship where I wasn't cheated on ever. But to be honest I was a cheater once so we all have to experience that. It's made me stronger and appreciate D a lot more. :-D I lucked out with marrying the man that I did. So I guess I had to go through all to because I needed to learn what a good man was like. LMAO Not that D is perfect but we all have faults.

I feel we experience and make choices in life because it's what's meant to happen for a reason.. We may not like the reason at the time but there's always a reason. And we are never handed anything that we aren't able to handle. Plus it's important to have good support to lean on also. We shouldn't feel that we have to carry everything on our shoulders.